It Happens At Night 18: Fruity Juice And Fruity Lies...

'Whoever it was who said that money can't buy happiness MUST have definitely had A LOT of money in the bank,' said Freddy.  'You would have to be rich with money in the first place to say something stupid like that.'

  'I agree,' said Wuan.  'Money is the key to everything except when you are in a grave.'

  'I am glad that you see things my way,' Freddy returned politely.  'I can't stand people who try to turn a negative situation into something positive.  It's so stupid.  When something is bad it is bad.  I remember someone who lost their legs in a car accident and the doctor said - "O well look on the bright side of things at least you are still alive!"  There is no bright side to losing your legs!  It's a joke!  And let me tell you something else as well, Wuan, there is no bright side to owing people money.  And there are people out there who I owe a lot of money.  You know I was chased out of the UK by debt collectors?  Awful business.  I lost everything, my home friends and family.  The last few years for me have been filled with disaster after disaster.'

  'Hopefully we will be able to turn that around for you soon,' said Wuan positively.  'I have a plan that I think will be highly profitable for the both of us.  We are going to make a good team you and I, Freddy, you shall see.'

  'Do you mind sharing a little bit of this plan of yours with me?'

  'Happy to!  This very night I intend to open your eyes to my scheme...'

  'Sounds good.'

  'O it is good, Freddy.  Very good.  Now let us get this done.'

  Wuan led Freddy to the gas station.

  The building had a basement that could be accessed by opening a door on the other side of the counter.  Behind this door there was a set of wooden steps leading down into a pitch dark room.  

  Once they were both standing down on the ground Wuan switched the lights on and that was when Freddy saw it: Wuan's workshop.  

  Now this was where the REAL business went on, by the look of things.

  There were empty glass bottles on shelves and heaps of old labels stacked up in little bundles on the floor.

  'I melt the wax here in this container, nothing special, I just warm the wax up over the stove.  But these seals here are what really matter when it comes down to the serious business of things.  Now Freddy pick up and hand me one of those labels.  That's it!  Now look at this.  This is French, Alsace, see that signature there below the print of the bottles name?  It's fake.  The label is merely a copy.  I soak the labels in tea water and leave them to dry out like this in open.  Gives them an aged look.  Here is a bottle that is already labelled.  Looks authentic, doesn't it?  I seal the bottle with wax and nobody will know the difference between an original and a fake.'

  'Wait a second Wuan!  What is all this? Is this your money making plan to have us seal glass bottles?' said Freddy.

  Freddy was alarmed by what he saw.  The basement looked like a madman's laboratory!  O NO!  Had Freddy fallen foul of another crazy person?  It certainly looked to be that way!

  'Yes, Freddy, that is what we are doing.  But the bottles need to be filled first before I sell them.  And that is where YOU come in,' said Wuan, ominously.  

  'I cannot see where I can be a help in any of this,' Freddy replied.

  'O you will be a Great help.  You are the KEY to my enterprise.  I see the startled expression on your face!  Please calm down and allow me to explain myself,' said Wuan peacefully.  'I need to fill these bottles with G-Juice.  And then I will add colouring to make the liquor appear green instead of gold.  A G-Juice that is the colour green is considered one of the original productions from the 90s.  There were only ever nine hundred of them produced allegedly.  Green juice sells for thousands at an auction.  Are you starting to see what I am trying to do here?  I have the bottles and I have the labels, I just need the juice.  Unfortunately I do not own my own distillery but your friends the Kings do.  And that is where you figure in on things, my dear Freddy.  This is what you need to do to make this enterprise a success: You must steal the King's G-Juice and bring it to me anyway possible!  Ah!  And there I see that look of dread in your expression but please be at ease my dear Freddy.  The operation will be easier than you think.'

  'I cannot see how?' said Freddy nervously.  'You want me to steal from the most powerful family in town, a people who are actually my friends.  That sounds pretty bad to me!'

  Freddy wanted to pull out...

  But sadly here was too deep in...

  And of course he needed the money!

  'Calm down Freddy!  Stop looking like you are standing in front of a firing squadron!  The task I have for you is simple,' said Wuan, and then he explained his plan in full.

  This was it:
  'Tonight the Kings are holding a party with some of their Italian American friends from New York.  You will be there as well.  You will remain sober for the whole night but feign that you are drunk so that they will not suspect you of anything nefarious (nefarious? - Freddy thought.  What did he mean by that?).  They will be drinking G-Juice of course of the golden variety.  When everyone is asleep you are to collect and drain all of the half empty cups and glasses into my bottles, and return them to me!  I will do the rest.'

  'I am vexed, Wuan.  SO you just want me to collect dregs?'

  'Yes.  And any unopened battles.  Bring them back to me.'

  'And then what?'

  'Then your job is done.  The rest will be my problem.'

  'I am still very nervous about this Wuan.  Please tell me more.'

  'Once you bring the bottles to me I will dye them green and label them as originals and sell them at auction or at G-Juice meetings.  I know my bottles will sell well for many thousands of pounds.  Passionate collectors will want to own a bottle of green.  But better than a bottle of green is a bottle of purple.  I sold a purple once for ten thousand.  Purple G-Juice is the most coveted of all.'

  'What do you use for colouring?'

  'Apple juice for the green and Ribena for the purple.'

  'You dilute the drink with Ribena and you have never been caught?'

  'Never.  Never and not once not ever.'

  'This is mad!'

  'And highly profitable,' Wuan replied confidently.  'I Know it works I have done it before.  'This is not my first venture into the fake G-Juice trade.  My original supplier disappeared...sadly...somewhere.  You are there replacement!  I know there is a lot of money to be made in this business.  A bottle of white will sell for twenty, a bottle of gold fifty, but a green anywhere from three thousand to five.  And a purple, well the skies the limit!'

  'This all sounds just all too good...'

  'Because it is,' Wuan replied with a hint of smugness.

  'Okay Wuan.  I have had a little think and I say I can do this for sure!  Leave it to me.  I will smuggle myself in with the Kings and their party tonight, it should not be too difficult for me to do that, and I will fill your bottles up!' said Freddy cheerily.  'But before we begin can I ask yet another question and you do not have to answer it but I would like to know how long have you been in this fake G-Juice business?'

  'It is a lives work,' Wuan replied proudly.  'My family in Singapore own a winery, and several wine shops.  They are financing this operation and producing the the fake labels for me.  It is my job just to make the labels look old and I find tea water works very well for such an operation.  You can say I am part of a global conspiracy if you will!'  Wuan chuckled slightly after he said that, before proceeding with his speech.  This is what he said next:

  'My family have been passionate about G-Juice for decades now.  My grandfather bought and still owns one of the original bottles from 1991.  Nobody in my family could bring themselves to drink it.  The bottle is surrounded by mystery.  There is a story behind it preposing that its contents contains the original recipe conceived by the mad genius who first perfected the juice, the remarkable and little well known scientist Ivan Gustav.  Whether the story is true or not it matters little because people believe the story when we tell it to them and the bottle is currently priced at the fine sum of five hundred thousand.  But we will never sell it.  Why would we do such a thing?  Sell a piece of history?  Would you sell the Monalisa if you owned it?  Of course you would not!  Such treasures are few and far between, and should be contained and possessed with a fury!'

  Freddy listened to those words and was thinking slyly to himself, "Damn if I had the original Monalisa I would sell it right away!" but instead he decided to respond with these few and very carefully picked words, 'Yes.  You are right Wuan.  History is priceless.'

  'You are a very intelligent man Freddy,' Wuan replied.  'I am glad to know you!  We are going to be very good business partners together!  I wish we could celebrate our collaboration with a glass of La muerte de la Lengua.'

  WHAT WAS THAT?!?!

  'It is a very fine drink whose main ingredient includes the liver of the Greenland Shark in purée form.  Once ready connoisseurs lase the drink with deadly flowers, belladonna and the like anything of the Brugmansia genus!  You need to drink around the flowers lest you wish to die!  It is the perfect drink for a man who wants to end his days!'

  'Sounds wonderful,' said Freddy.

  'Yes!  It is the best drink of them all.  It is like the jellyfish beautiful BUT deadly.'

  'Ah well!  We better get on with business then!'

  'And indeed we shall!  The party is tonight.  Let us do this and do it well.'

Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

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