Friday, 6 February 2026

A Fresh Start

 My team and I are filming the first episode of the Vegetable Aliens!






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THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW


Thursday, 5 February 2026

Then And Now...

 I drew these guys back in the day...

Vegetable Aliens!

This is what they looked like years ago:


Right then - this is what they look like now:


They spend their spare time observing human beings...  They just can't get over how crazy people are!


I am going to turn this into a funny little series hopefully soon where the aliens watch crazy scenes!




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THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW























It Happens At Night 25: Trash It Up!

As they were driving away from the King's place Wuan stopped the car suddenly.
  'There appears to be a tramp standing in the middle of the road...' he said quietly, trying his darndest to keep his anger under lock and key...
  Wuan didn't like the Kings, didn't want a war with the Irish Gang and was pretty hacked off and hacked up that things were seemingly seeming to go wrong for his business EVERY SINGLE DAY...
  He blamed Freddy for his problems.  Probably because Freddy was actually responsible for his problems.  Now Wuan was blaming this tramp because the tramp was standing in the middle of the road and keeping him from attending that said urgent business...
  'I know who that person is!' said Freddy with a dark chuckle in his throat.  'It is my Uncle Lucien.  I haven't seen him ages!  What is he doing?  He is such an idiot!  He's probably drunk.  The wretched old wretch.  He is always drinking himself nuts, the loser.'
  'I suggest you kindly ask him to step off of the road,' said Wuan between clenched teeth.  'We are taking care of serious business here and we can't have your relative slowing us down.'
  'Bear with me.  I will have a chat with him,' said Freddy and Freddy got out of the car and made his way over to the old shambling mad man.  'What are you doing standing here in the middle of the road uncle?' said Freddy in a confused and tired voice.
  'I am watching the world go by,' said Uncle Lucian wistfully like he was in a dream.
  'That's very nice but do it somewhere else please and not in the middle of a busy road.  You are going to get knocked downs standing there like that.  And as much as I do not like you I do not want you dying not yet, and not like this.'
  'It's alright Freddy.  I am not the one who is going to die soon.  But you are!  You and all of your friends are going to go out of the world real bad and real soon.  You may have forgotten that I exist but I have been watching you for days now...'
  'I always knew you were a weirdo.  Why won't you just back off and leave me be?'
  'Because whether you like it or not you are of my blood, Freddy, that's why I can't back off.  Blood might not mean anything to you but it means a lot to me.  My sister and I used to get on well enough and as much as I dislike you it doesn't matter because you are still her son and legacy as disdainful as you are.  And I can see that you have gotten yourself caught up in a really bad business.  In every direction you are caught up in something really horrible.  It's almost quite clever in a sad sort of way.'
  'I can handle myself.'
  'You obviously can't.'
  'Alright I can't.  I am up to my neck in debt and everyone wants a piece of me,' said Freddy honestly.  'I want to run away but like you said, Uncle, I am in trouble in every direction I turn.  So I have to stick with my new friends.  They are tough guys they can help me out.'
  'But they are not helping you Freddy.  They are dragging you down into the darkness.  I say true darkness!  I can see it even if you can't.  There is a real evil terrible power at work behind all of this madness.  Fenwick is not ruled by people.  It is controlled by unseen forces...'
  'Right!  That is it!'  Freddy had listened to quite enough of that nonsense from the old man.  'You must be drunk!' he said harshly and then he went on with these few tasty words:  'I have no time to listen to you, uncle!  You have always talked garbage even when your sober.  It's just worse when your drunk!  Now get off of the damn road!  Still won't move?  Then I will move you myself...  Here have some of this you silly sod!' and then Freddy pushed the old man down over to the side.  Freddy just didn't have time for the mad old man not anymore.
  Freddy walked back to the car leaving Lucien in a ditch.
  
***

Meanwhile in the High Street a car had driven into the window of a local shop!
  Wuan stopped the car.  There were people rushing all about the place.  The police were already in action taping up the crazy scene...
  'Stay in the car.  I am going to check this out!' said Jish and the dwarf set out like a dwarf on a mission!
  Jish was gone for about twelve minutes.  When he got back into the car again you could tell by the dark look on his face that something very bad was going on right under their noses.
  'We have got a problem,' he said quietly.  'The war has begun!  Our good friend Mr Vincent King has somehow managed to ride up and overtake us.  And now he has crashed his car into a shop.  That is why you can see a car hanging out of the shop window right over there.'
  'Has the man gone mad?' said Wuan angrily.
  'That is what it looks like.  I am sure Mr Vincent is mad from my limited interactions with him for the last few hours, but in this rare instance no it wasn't madness that took him.  While hiding inside of a bin I overheard a conversation.  It was the police who were talking...'
  'Impossible!  They haven't been making music for years?' said Freddy in complete confusion.
  'No.  Not the rock band, Freddy.  I mean the ACTUAL police as in the forces of the law.  I was listening to them from inside of the bin and they were talking about possible sabotage at work suggesting even that the breaks on the car had been cut but further investigations are required before anything can be substantiated.  I am very suspicious the lads Bill and Bo are behind this chaos!  
  'Doctor Flaccid was on the scene as well looking after the victim.  Flaccid was there wearing a pink dress looking cheery, appeared to be quite talkative and so I got out of the bin and we had a few words with one another.  The good Doctor told me that Vincent is still breathing, thank goodness, but the accident might have paralysed the man from the waist done if he wasn't already dead in that direction to begin with.'
  'So in other words Vincent King is still in pretty good shape?'
  'Yes,' Jish replied with confidence in his voice.  'We don't need to worry about Vincent's health.  But the Kings are going to want payback for this attack.'
  'O you can be sure they will want that!' said Freddy with a quiver or two in his voice.  'Maybe this is a good thing?  Maybe this attack will secure our new alliance with the Kings...?'
  Suddenly there was the sound of guns firing in the distance.  A bullet even scratched the car!  The gunmen were close!  
  The police quickly took hiding behind walls or inside bins - some just got in their cars and drove away.
  'You had better drive boss!' Jish said to Wuan.  'Our enemies have got gunmen in position somewhere but I can't tell where they are right now!  We have driven right into a neat little trap!'
  'Drive!  Drive!' Freddy cried.  
  Wuan drove off real quick.  The sound of the guns went quiet and soon turned to silence.
  Wuan asked his companions if they were being followed.
  It didn't look to be that way but neither Freddy or Jish sounded very sure.
  Wuan took his eye off the road for three seconds just to check for himself that they weren't being followed - and those three little precious seconds were all that were needed for Wuan to knock an older lady off of her feet as she was crossing the road!
  'Good Lord!' cried Freddy.  'We have hit someone!'
  'Has anyone ever told you Freddy that you are a special kind of genius?' said Jish.
  Freddy said they had better see if the victim was okay.
  Jish checked.
  She was not!
  It turned out that she was indeed quite dead...
  'I recognise her!' Freddy cried with horror.  'It's Frank Kings mother!  Weeks ago I helped her cross the road I totally recognise her!  The Kings are going to kill us all when they find out what you just did, Wuan!'
  'The Kings are not going to find out about what I just did!' said Wuan.  Then Wuan turned on the power and drove away from the dead body...  If he had driven any faster the car they were in might have actually started flying and took its passenger back in time to some other era in human history like the Dark Ages.
  ...Other than that it was actually quite a nice day with splendid weather for all to enjoy!
  
  


(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

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Friday, 30 January 2026

It Happens At Night 24: Clash of the CRASHERS!

Outside was the car.  Inside it were sitting two men, Jish and Wuan, and they were waiting for something...
  Across the road was a tower block of three flats owned by one family.  
  THE KINGS.
  Inside that tower Mr Frank King was sitting in front of a glass table holding a glass of scotch.  On a seat in front of him was his business partner Freddy.
  Freddy wanted a meeting with Frank and Frank gave it to him.
  This is how it started...
  Frank threw out the first words:
  'What is this all about Freddy boy?' he said.  
  It was a cold start.
  Freddy was trying to stop himself from shaking.  
  He was NOT doing a good job.
  'Why are you shaking Freddy?' said Frank calmly.  'Nervous about something, eh?' Frank continued.  'It's me your mate Frank!  You don't need to be afraid to say anything in front of me. We are business partners.  We are building an empire together.  I need you and you need me.  We are practically brothers - if it was not for blood separating us we could have been born from the same mother.  So speak up Freddy boy,' and Frank took a slow sip of his scotch.  'Speak up and tell me what you wanted to say.  My ears are yours.'
  'I need your help,' said Freddy with a stammer or two.
  'I figured that right away.  Now it's time for specifics.  What do you need help with, Freddy?' said Frank.  
  'Frank, I don't know how to say this but I am in trouble.'
  'Of course you are.  Nobody asks to speak to Frank unless they are in trouble.  So speak.  Let your troubles find trouble with me, and your troubles will trouble you no more...'
  'I have got a friend, a business partner a good man you know him you have seen him before in the parties he is the wine dealer Wuan.'
  'I know Wuan.  What about him?'
  'Me and Wuan are working together on a project and somehow we wound up making some pretty nasty enemies.  It is a long story...'
  'Give me the short story.'
  'Frank.  The Irish are back.  I mean it.  The whole gang is reforming.  They have got two soldiers so far Bill and Bo, nasty sods.  Tough lads.  Killers.  We need to be careful of them.  And they have teamed up with this real nasty lad...'
  'Let me guess is his name Elfie Rooney?'
  'You know him?'
  'O I know him.'
  'You sure?
  'I am sure.'
  Freddy shook his head wearily.  
  'Speak up Freddy,' said Frank commandingly.  'I told you that you have got my ears.  What do you know about Rooney?'
  'He is out and about building things up,' said Freddy.  'I think he is a danger not only to me, but to you!'
  'Why is he a danger to you?'
  'Because of business...'
  'Want to talk more about this business?'
  'No.  Not really Frank.  It's private.'
  'Private?  Fine.  If it is private business then it is your business.  But I need a plain answer from you about something, Freddy.  Why do you think this Rooney is problem for my business?'
  'He is trying to rebuild the Irish Gang.  You and the Italians were mortal enemies with the Irish, right?'
  'We were.  But that war is old and dead.'
  'Yeah...I know.  But this new war is very much awake.  And when this war fully wakes up there will be fires.  The fire will start small and eventually grow to span this whole town and then you.   I think, Mr King, you will be trying to find ways to put out fires very soon.'
  'Call me Frank.'
  'This war is going to consume you Frank and your whole family. The best and the only way to deal with this war is to nip it in the bud.  Kill it in the root.  Don't let this catch you up, Frank.  That is why I am here now as your mate.  I could have kept quiet and the Irish could have easily sneaked up on you.  But if we act now that won't happen.  They have two soldiers three including Rooney.  But they are recruiting more lads for sure.  I know this because Rooney threatened me in the forest last night.  He is serious, Frank.  He wants blood.  He wants the High Street and the market back.  But we can stop him I know we can if we act now.'
  'What do you need?'
  'Soldiers.  I need armed men to help me fight the Irish.'
  'You only need one man,' said Frank boldly and he waved his hand and that was when his brother Vincent King wheeled onto the scene on his wheelchair.
  As if prepped for the conversation Vincent was already armed for a fight, pistol in hand and beer in the other he looked ready to go wherever destiny wanted him to go.
  'So let us show these scum,' said Vincent drunkenly.  'I am armed.  I am ready.  I am ready to get steady.  I am ready to get messy.  Lead me to this Rooney and I promise I will get groovy with him.'
  'You have got your army now,' said Frank to Freddy.
  Frank took a sip of his whiskey, cold and steady and he starred at Freddy. 'Time to make a move boy,' he said.
  'I am ready to make a move,' said Freddy with a shake or two in his weak voice.
  'We will burn them down baby!' said Vincent gleefully.
  And off they went to war...


  


(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

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Why Is Cancelling Anything So Hard?


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Wednesday, 28 January 2026

It Happens At Night 23: Get Ready Freddy!

The gas station had been trashed!  It had been broken into and all smashed up inside and out!  It was terrible.  What had happened?

  Just as Freddy and Jish were checking the building out a car swerved into view.  
  Wuan was in the driving seat.
  Wuan opened the back door and told his friends to get in.  
  Wuan looked at Freddy as he entered the car and he said, 'You and I, Freddy, we need to talk...'
  Wuan looked Very very unhappy!
  'I am not responsible for any of this madness,' Freddy replied defensively.
  Wuan heard this but didn't respond.  
  So Wuan put the car into action and the Wuan gang took a long quiet drive to the woods...
  Wuan finally stopped the car.  
  It was time to talk!
  'My business has just been destroyed by two thugs,' Wuan started.  'The gas station was just a cover I don't care for it, but those thugs found their way into the basement and trashed my G-Juice operation.  They destroyed all of my spare empty bottles and scattered my fake labels.  They have ruined everything.  I am going to have to abandon the whole operation.'
  'Why?  You can rebuild it surely?' said Freddy.
  'No I can't Freddy,' said Wuan plainly.  'Because when the police look into why the shop was attacked they are going to find all of my forged bottles of alcohol and then they will try to arrest me.  I am going to have to leave Fenwick and return home to Singapore.'
  'That seems so dramatic!'
  'It is the truth Freddy,' said Wuan bitterly.  'We could have made a fortune you and I.  With my help you could have paid off all of your debts, Freddy.  All you had to do was keep your head down and work.  But you couldn't help yourself, could you?  You had to go on that damnable dating website.  What were you thinking?'
  'I was just looking for love...'
  'There is no such thing as love in this business, Freddy,' Wuan replied angrily.  'Now stop acting like a stupid fifteen year old and tell me what your relationship is with the two thugs Bill and Bo who attacked my business?'
  'I don't have a relationship with them.  I barely know them.  They attacked me out of the blue,' said Freddy.
  'That is not a good enough explanation,' said Wuan.  'Who are they and why do you know them?'
  'Why I went on this dating website.  I met this lady called Joanne.  It didn't work out and I ran away,' said Freddy.  'Bill and Bo are her boys.  That's it.  That is the whole story.  I never did anything wrong I swear!  I just didn't like the woman!  Dates don't always work out, right?'
  'I don't know, Freddy.  I never go on dates,' Wuan replied coldly.  'You should never have become involved with this woman, Freddy.  Your enemy has now become my enemy and six years of hard work has been literally poured down the drain.  You do realise that right now we have a war on our hands?'
  Freddy couldn't believe it.  'This is crazy,' he replied.  'I never wanted any of this!'
  'Neither did I,' Wuan returned coldly.  'But here we are.  Up to our necks in a fresh new gang war.  Jish will fill you in on the details.  Jish!  Explain to Freddy the pickle he has created for us all.'
  'Okay.  So this is the situation.  Joanne has a brother.  Elfie Rooney, the new leader of the freshly reformed Irish Gang,' said Jish.  'The Irish are looking to retake territory and they are putting soldiers on the streets.  Bill and Bo they are just for starters.  Others like them will rise up, and then we will have a full scale war on our hands.'
  Freddy was horrified.  'How can this happen?' he said aghast.  'I was looking for love and went on a date, that's all.  And now I have started a new gang war?  I am baffled.  I don't know what to say!'
  'We must make ready to fight this new threat,' said Wuan.  'My business in Fenwick is over, but the Irish have made this engagement personal the moment they decided to trash my gas station.  Before I return home to Singapore I will take my revenge on the Irish and drive them out of Fenwick forever.'
  'There is an old saying which rings true for our current situation:  cut off the snakes head and the body will die.  We need to tackle Joanne.  She is the head of the snake.  Remove her from the scene and we remove the Irish,' said Jish.
  'Wow!  Slow down,' said Freddy trying to catch his breath.  'This is all going too fast.  Jish?  That's your name, right?  Who the heck are you?'
  'Jish is ex special forces and he works for me,' said Wuan.  'He helps me in all things.  He helped me build my business from the ground up.'
  'Okay.  That is fine.  But how come I have known you all this time Wuan and never met the guy?  He literally popped out of nowhere,' said Freddy.
  'My job is to remain hidden,' Jish spoke up confidently.  'I have been watching you for many days now Freddy.'
  'Well that is unsettling...'
  'I wasn't planning on offering you comfort,' Jish replied darkly.
  'Okay.  Fine.  So what are we going to do next?' said Freddy.
  'We need to stop this war right now while it is in its infancy.  And the best way to do that is to cut off the snakes head,' said Jish.  'Now presently we are outnumbered and outgunned.  A direct attack would be foolish.  We need to be sly, careful.  Stealth will be the key to winning this war.  Now as far as I can see the only advantage we have is Joanne, I am referring to her singular appearance of course.  She could be mistaken for a sea lion, or I was thinking maybe a Walrus?  We could make a cheeky call to the RSPCA and get her sent to a zoo?'
  'That could work,' said Wuan.  'Do you have the number for the RSPCA?'
  'I have it on my phone ready to go,' Jish returned.  'Just give me the word, boss, and I will make that cheeky call.'
  'Fine.  I predict that Joanne will lead her boys in a fresh assault soon.  If the Irish really do plan to take back territory they will strike in the High Street first.  They will want to take back the market,' said Wuan.  'When Joanne emerges, and I believe she is bold enough to lead her troops herself, you Jish will make a cheeky call to the RSPCA.'
  'I hear you, boss.  As soon as I see Joanne in the streets I will make that cheeky call,' said Jish.  'We can do this.  We can win this war.'
  'And when the war is over I shall return safely to Singapore,' said Wuan.
  'But what about the business and my debts?' said Freddy in a nervous voice.  'I still need your help!  Please don't abandon me!'
  Wuan turned around in his seat and gave Freddy a cold and very dark look with his piercing eyes, and after a deep breath he said this:
  'After this war is over WE are NEVER doing business ever again, Freddy.'
  Freddy's spirits sank.  He had to salvage his friendship with Wuan and fast.  He needed Wuan to save him from the Brazilians!  He had to get Wuan back on board.  
  And so he came up with a plan.
  'Look!  I can help you win this war.  I am friends with the Kings, remember?  The toughest family in town?  Friends with the Italians?  I bet I can get them to field soldiers for our cause,' said Freddy.  'Please Wuan!  Don't let it end like this!  We had a real good thing going.  We were making money.  REAL money.  We can still do this.  Okay so the gas station is trashed, but we can still carry on the forgery business somewhere else?  What about my place?  There is plenty of room in my home.  We can do this.  We can make money.  The King's trust me.  Frank loves me!  I can get my hands on as much G-Juice as you need.  Don't leave me Wuan.  We can do this!'
  And Wuan returned, ominously, 'We shall see...'
  Just then Jish sprang into action:
  'Heads up lads!  Irish on the road!' he said.  'That car riding up behind us?  I recognise the reg.  It is Bill and Bo.  They are onto us!'
  'I think we should drive away,' said Freddy in a frightened shaky voice.
  But for some reason Wuan wouldn't allow it.
  'I want to see what they do next.  Maybe they have a message for us,' said Wuan.  'We will wait and see what happens.  Jish?  You have your gun primed and at hand?'
  Jish nodded.
  'Good,' said Wuan.  'We might need it...'
  The car parked up beside them.
  A tall fierce looking man with a swastika tattooed on his bold head stepped out and stepped up and called Wuan out of his vehicle for a conversation.
  Wuan stepped out.  He showed no sign of fear.  He walked right up to the mad shaven man.
  'Who are you?' said Wuan as he approached the stranger.
  'I am Elfie Rooney and you should get to know me,' said the Irish warlord.  'You're the fecker called Wuan, right?  We can end this now you and I.  The boy sat in the car with you, you know who I mean, the wee feck called Freddy.  He upset my sister the other day.  Hand him over and we can call this war a day.'
  'I can't do that,' said Wuan.  'I look it as my duty to protect my employees.'
  'You are a fecking idiot then,' said Elfie aggressively.  'I want that we feck over there dead.  And I will kill him.  No one upsets my sister and lives.  I will gut him.  I don't care what it takes either to do it.  If you want a war then you will have one.  See you on the battlefield, Wuan.  And let me tell you another thing before I go - you ain't so fecking clever as you think.  That wee dwarf of yours?  I have seen him fecking about town acting all sly.  I have been following you Wuan.  And no matter where you hide I will fecking find you.  This is personal.  Now good day to you feckers, until we meet in the battlefield!  This is me being polite by the way the next time we meet things won't go so nicely...'
  Elfie got back into his car and drove away.
  The board was set...
  It was time for war.

  




  (Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

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Also take a look at:

My Games
Play Give 'em Hell
Play Elfin Quest
Witches Brew a short text based adventure game!
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My Books








THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW


Monday, 26 January 2026

Let me introduce myself...

 Hi!  My name is Sean Wadley.  I am the President of SWW Productions.

We produce entertaining material.  Fun videos.  Educational content.  And funny stories!

I have been your host, Sean Wadley!  Enjoy your stay!





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THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW

Monday, 19 January 2026

Saturday, 17 January 2026

It Happens At Night 22: Disaster Date! (Part 2)

What a horrible day it had been!  Simply absolutely and completely one of the worst!
 Freddy had to have a drink and after that he went to bed.
  He had to sleep the rest of the day off.  Drink and sleep was the only thing that was going to help him recover from the horrors of his date with the dreaded Joanne and her two thug sons.
  And he had a good sleep that night, thankfully.
  He slept long and deep into the ends of the morning.  How lovely!
  A new day.  A new start!
  Beautiful.
  'It is going to be a nice day!' Freddy said aloud as he rose form his bed springing up like a freshly tossed pancake.
  Freddy showered dressed and had a late breakfast and as he washing his cornflakes down with some hot coffee he thought to himself: "It is going to be a great day!"
  Time to open the blinds and let some sunshine in!  O!  The blinds are open?  So why is there no sunshine?  And who are those two large men looking in through my window?  O no!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  It was Bill and Bo!  Joanne's two thug sons!  They had tracked Freddy down to his home!
  How could this be?  Freddy had escaped from the back end of the Grill and Bar - no one would have seen him... right?  
  But somehow the brothers had managed to find him!
  This was a pure disaster for Freddy!
  The two lads walked around to the front door of his home and started knocking on the door.
  They knew Freddy was at home because they had seen him through the window but still Freddy didn't answer the door.  Instead he hid under the kitchen table!
  A piece if paper was shoved through the letterbox.  
  Freddy watched the two lugs walk away from the front room window and when they were finally out of sight he grabbed the paper and started reading.  It read thus:
  
We know where you live, Freddy boy!
You upset our Mum yesterday!
Now we are going to get you and break your damn puny legs!
Have a nice day!
Kind Regards,
Bill and Bo.

This was bad news.  Bad indeed.
  What was Fredy going to do?  Two tough-nut lads were out for his blood and they new exactly where he lived!  Freddy couldn't imagine a more awful and more awkward situation not even if he had sat down to a table with pen and paper, a pint of liquid acid, and wrote a book called "How Bad Can Life Get Even When You Are Not Trying?" 
  Don't tempt fate Freddy, said the demons.  Life can always get bad and badder...  It is just the way it is!
  Freddy's first plan was to to try and bar the doors and windows - but then he remembered he had run out of fresh milk!
  He took a quick sneaky look in his fridge and it was true!  There was no milk to be had!
  O no!
  What was he going to do?
  He needed to get milk or he was not going to be able to make himself tea or coffee for the rest of the day.
  Okay.
  So the situation was this:
  Freddy needed milk.  So he was going to have to take one last daring trip outside.  All that was required of him in this daring task was to cross the road and reach the gas station.  They sold milk there...  So he had to get to the gas station without being seen!
  The lads would be out on the look for him but Freddy had to dare the streets - he needed the milk...
  So it was time to open the front door and walk out into the horrors of the open world.
  Freddy had taken no more than four steps into the streets when he heard a voice bellow:
  'There he is Bill!  Get him!'
  It was Bill and Bo!
  They were waiting round the corner ready to get him!
  They had blocked his way back to the door of his home so Freddy was forced to flee directly towards the gas station.
  Hopeful Wuan was in there.  Maybe Wuan could help him somehow?  Wuan was a little man but maybe he had guns?
  Bill and Bo gave chase!  It was beyond terrifying for Freddy.
  Freddy reached the gas station with Bill and Bo only seconds behind him.
  Freddy slammed the glass door on them and then screamed:
  'Wuan!  Wuan!  Where are you my friend?  I am being chased!  Help me!  Hide me somewhere!  I beg you!  I need help!'
  There was NO response...
  Burly Bill and Ben burst in!  Freddy just did not have the strength to keep the two mighty men back!
  The twins knocked Freddy onto the ground and put a bag around his head!  Then they picked him up and carried him away.  Their car was just down the road and they threw Freddy into the boot and drove back to their house.
  Little did Freddy know it at the time but the worst nightmare of his life was about to unravel.
  
Freddy hoped that his experiences with Bill and Bo were just part of a mad fever dream.
  They were not...
  When Freddy woke up the bag was off his head and he was stuck down in a darkened room tied to a chair with harsh rope twisted around his ankles and his wrists.
  Bill and Bo were standing in the corner of the room holding sharpened items while their mother Joanne was close by looking on Freddy with a hateful look in her eyes.
  She started to speak:
  'I will never forgive you for what you did to me, boy,' she said.  'You know what happened to the last man who stood me up?  I chopped him up!  But I am willing to give you another chance, Freddy.  Maybe you got nervous?  I can understand that.  Any man would be nervous to be around a true beauty like me.  Now this is what is going to happen next.  You are going to stay here and my boys are going to take care of you.  Meanwhile I am going to go to my bedroom and powder myself up and make myself look more beautiful than what I already am.  And then I am going to come back and then we are going to have a second date together.  And this time round you are going to love me, Freddy boy.  You are going to kiss me.  And when the day is over we are going to go back to my said bedroom and make passionate love with one another.'
  Freddy almost had a heart attack when he heard this.
  Tied up as he was and totally helpless he had no choice but to beg the scary woman for mercy.  This is what he said in his feeble and frail voice:
  'Joanne!  Please!  Don't do this to me!  Have mercy.  I can't cope with this!  I have had a hard life, Joanne.  Please.  Just let me go!  I can't help you with any of this, Joanne.  I am a weak man!'
  And Joanne returned:
  'You are going nowhere my boy.  You asked me out on the date and now you are going to finish the business!  See you in five minutes, boy.  I am going to go and beauty myself up,' and she gave Freddy a sly wink before she left.
  Freddy was BEYOND terrified.  He was sweating like a man walking in the afternoon desert sun.  He must have lost so much weight strapped and sweating in that dreadful chair.
  He had to escape but he did not know how he was going to do it.  He was caught in the perfect trap, strapped down with rope with two thugs guarding the only door leading out to freedom.  Freddy gulped as the realisation set in...  He was truly doomed like never before.
  This was one situation he was not going to be able to get out of.  He had run out of options!
  Freddy's life started to play out in front of his eyes - he started remembering all the other times where he might have been killed; the wars with the gangs, the cartels and he thought to himself, "in my life I could have died a hundred different ways!  I could have been stabbed in the streets or shot by one of the gangs... but no!  The universe denied me that noble death.  Instead I am to die under the blubbery weight of a vile walrus-looking lady...'
  WHAT A LOT OF RUBBISH!
  That was when Bill and Bo dropped to the ground...
  What was this?
  Somebody had knocked them out!
  There was a little shadowy figure standing in the door.  It looked like a goblin, or maybe a troll?
  The figure held out a hand and said, 'Come with me if you want to live.'
  'I would love to but I can get out of this chair.  I am tied down by all this rope you see?'
  Out of the shadows he stepped - a very short man a veritable dwarf!  He was bearded and beady-eyed.  But he had great ham-sized hands and with these he tore up all the rope and got Freddy back up on his feet.
  'Get ready Freddy.  It's time for you to run!' said the dwarf.
  'What's going on?' said Freddy.
  'I work for Wuan and I just saved your life.  Now shut up and be grateful.'
  'Don't you have a name at least?'
  'The name is Jish.  That is all that you need to know.'
  'What happens next?'
  'Next you are going to hide in Wuans basement,' said Jish.  'You are going to stay there for three days.  IN the meantime you will have all the food and drink that you need.'
  'Nice!' said Freddy in a happy voice.  Some good luck at last!
  'Meanwhile it will be my job to convince Joanne that you have left the country,' said Jish.  'Once she knows that you have gone cold she should give up the chase and you will finally be safe.  You are a lucky boy, Freddy.  You have friends in high places, as it were.  Friends who need you.  Friends who want to keep you alive.  Now let us get moving before Joanne finds out what has been happening down here in her cellar.  Her sons I can deal with but her?  Not so.  Let's go!'
  'Thank you for this,' said Freddy and he was indeed thankful truly and wholly to the dwarven stranger.
  'Don't thank me,' said Jish.  'I am just the man who gets things done.'



  (Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

===========================================================

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Sunday, 11 January 2026

It Happens At Night 21: Disaster Date!

There she was across the road...
  Bolly...
  Freddy's love.
  She was already partnered up with a new man by the look of things and her belly was swelling with signs of growing babe.  As the couple walked the streets hand in hand the couple smiled at each other pausing momentarily to kiss.  She walked right by Freddy like she had never met him before in her life.  It broke Freddy's heart in three ways and then four.
  But yes - it was the shocking size of the woman that shocked Freddy the most more so than the ease in which she had obtained a fresh partner.
  She looked massive!
  She was definitely pregnant.
  Now Freddy got thinking about this.  Such matters were probably not worth the effort, but he couldn't help himself.  This was his wife, once, the love of his life.  How did she become pregnant?
  Freddy was a million percent certain that he was not the father as he and Bolly never slept together not once not even on their wedding day, and on the honeymoon Bolly insisted that Freddy sleep in the jungle alone with the snakes (they went on a trip to the Darién Gap).  
  The father couldn't possibly be the new man, Freddy never took any interest in biology at school (he was more interested in reading The Hobbit) but he was quite certain babies didn't grow that quickly...
  So that meant that the baby had to belong to non other than Corta Boa Almoço the dreaded Brazilian warlord!
  The very thought of Bolly carrying the seed of that dreadful monster of a man filled Freddy with such a deep and heavy depression that he walked back home and put a taut piece rope around his throat.  He was seconds from kicking the stool away when he thought better of it, thinking: "No way!  This is going to hurt too much!  And what if I end up going to hell like my poor mate Mr McGregor!"
  So instead he decided to do something equally as suicidal and depressing and start using a dating website.
  It was time for Freddy to find love again with somebody new.
  So Freddy booted up his laptop and switched on the dreaded website.
  Ah!  It was a sad business indeed...
  At first he thought he had clicked on the wrong site and he was starring at clips of Peter Jacksons Lord of the Rings movie trilogy but when Freddy realised that these were actually women he was looking at and not orcs he took a deep breath and started to scroll through the varying profiles.
  And scroll.
  And scroll.
  And scroll.
  And as depressing as it must be to read those words again and again well that is how it was for Freddy on that website.
  Finally he settled on someone:
  Joanne.  46.  Busty (which in layman's terms means fat).  Unemployed.  Two children.
  Okay!  So Freddy sent her a message.  
  Hi there!  My name is Freddy.  I am a nice guy.  Let's meet up for drinks sometime and get to know each other better.
  To Freddy's utter disbelief she responded!
  Freddy almost fell off of his chair!
  The other thing that shocked him was that she seemed rather keen about the business of meeting up.
  He felt that there was something peculiar about her enthusiasm...  But o well!  Freddy suggested the Grill and Bar would be a fine and fun place to serve as their meeting ground and she agreed and so the date was set!
  Marvellous!
  The date was set for that evening, but an hour before they met Freddy did what he always did when going on a date and that was check out the toilets...
  So he made his way over to the Grill and Bar and the first thing he did was check out the mens room.  Why?  Because he wanted to make sure they had a reachable window so that if the date was going badly he could excuse himself and then escape out of it.
  The Grill and Bar had a window in its toilets.  Beautiful.  'I think I can climb out of that thing if things go wrong,' Freddy said to himself.
  Freddy didn't realise it but there was a gentleman in one of the cubicles and he said, 'You do realise that talking to yourself is a sign of madness?'
  'Yes!  And madness is a sign of genius,' Freddy replied sarcastically.
  'And are you a genius?' said the man.
  Freddy returned with an honest reply: 'No.'
  And so came an end to that awkward conversation.
  
An hour later and Freddy was standing outside the Grill and Bar waiting for his date to arrive.
  He stood their checking his watch - she's late!  What if she doesn't turn up?
  Just then a fat stinking swelling dirty man walked out of the Grill and Bar.  Freddy almost bumped into him.  Freddy apologised to the man and then said to him politely, 'I don't suppose you have seen a lady by the name of Joanne?  It's just that we are supposed to be having a date this evening?'
  And the man replied loudly, 'Idiot!  I am Joanne!'
  O BLOODY HELL!
  Freddy was thrown into a wild panic.
  He had never seen such a... manly looking lady before...??
  'I have been waiting for you inside the bar for ages now!' she bellowed.
  Freddy knew that he was in a bad situation - but he decided to do his duty as a man and see the date through - and then there was always that lovely window in the toilet to escape through!  And so he took her great and beefy hand and led her back into the bar.
  Freddy tried looking at her, but it was hard work...
  She has signs of a beard!  Good lord how can that be?
  Freddy gulped.  He had never felt such a sense of fear not since he had been a prisoner of the cartel.  He could feel himself starting to get the shakes, and he was sweating like a man in withdrawal.  
  Stay calm Freddy stay calm!  Let the lady do the talking.  At least the food will be nice so at least there is that.  And don't forget that lovely delectable window...  It is always there waiting to save you!  Now!  Stay calm.  Try to remember the bravery your ancestors bore in the Battle of Hastings!  You are a man so act like one!  At least you have proven to the world that you can actually attract a woman... sort of...
  The walk towards the bar seemed to last a lifetime.  As they walked Freddy started developing coping mechanisms in his brain and they worked like this:
  She could be a lovely woman!  We could have a lot in common.  I bet we will spend a lovely day.  And at the end of the day it's not someone's looks that matter - NO!  It's personality.  And I am sure Joanne has a very lovely personality.
  I am sure...
  I am sure...
  I am sure...
  Eventually Freddy started trying to convince himself that Joanne wasn't bad looking after all.  She just look bad in the daylight.  But she was starting to look better in the shadowy darkness of the bar.
  Freddy was blown away by how big she was as well, big in all directions.  He felt that there was a genuine risk he might be swallowed into her vastness!
  Maybe that is her plan?  To consume me?  NO!  Stop speaking to me thou evil demons!  Go back to hell!
  She was a robust lady, and that is putting it politely.  Robust - "Yes that's it!"  That was how Freddy was going to describe her to his friends because well rude words like - fat, blubbery, swelling, smelling, hairy, pulsating, sweating, vaguely bearded - well those words would just not do.  Absolutely not.  
  Freddy was going to chose a table for them to sit to, but to his surprise Joanne had already set one up ready for them.
  Freddy felt that Joanne was slightly confused because there were already two huge and I mean huge men sitting at the table and so not wishing to offend her he said in a gentle voice,' Joanne.  I am sorry.  But it looks like that table is already occupied?'
  'Those are my sons you dunce!' she retorted.  'Now sit down!'
  Freddy did as he was told.
  Freddy sat down.
  As Freddy took his seat the two huge men dragged their chairs around and sat either side of him.
  My gosh!  What a duo of fearsome thugs were these fine pair indeed!  Tattooed and shaven they looked like they just gotten out of Belmarsh.  Freddy did not feel happy.  He was claustrophobic at the best of times and being jammed in together by these two beasts made him feel quite nauseous.
  Joanne plumped her vastness down on two chairs making the table in front of them shake as she came down and the first thing she said was this:
  'If you want to love me you must also love my sons.'
  Freddy new it was time for him to put his escape plan into action...
  'Okay,' said Freddy in a meek and wobbly voice.  'If you please excuse me I need to relieve myself in the mens room...  I drink a lot of water you see, Doctor says I need to keep myself hydrated.'
  'Don't be long,' said one of the lads.  'We have got our eye on you!'
  Freddy knew that it would look suspicious if he started running and so he stood up slowly and walked slowly, calmly towards the mens room.  He looked so natural, so at ease.  Nobody watching would have suspected that this was a man about to flee for his life.  That display of calmness was Freddy's acute survival instincts kicking in at just about the right time!
  But when Freddy finally gained entry of the mens room he violently broke down and started acting like a madman!  He was shaking and sweating.  He clasped at the window handle.  CLUNK!  O no!  That sound meant that the window was locked!  NO!  PLEASE NO!  FATE I BEG YOU DON'T DO THIS TO ME!  I KNOW I AM A SINNER BUT I DON'T DESERVE THIS!
  No... wait.  There is the latch.  I will lift it.  Yes the window is opening!  YES!  I am finally free!  
  Freddy scrambled out of the window like a desperate soul.  Once his feet touched with the firm ground outside he started running like a man being chased by a bear and a rhino!

My great golly gosh how Awful was that?!

  "And NO!  I will not be doing that again!" Freddy thought as he closed the door on his house!
  And that was how the day ended.



(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1

===========================================================

Also take a look at:

My Games
Play Give 'em Hell
Play Elfin Quest
Witches Brew a short text based adventure game!
Also take a look at:
My YouTube Channel
My Books








THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW