"I shall tell you of Richard Lock, a man who walked the streets with golden locks... Hair he had to the shoulder it fell, till the day came when it all fell...
...ALL OF IT...Fell down and down ALL down to the ground!"
This is the tale of Richard Lock and the severing of his golden locks...
***
Richard, or Rich for short, was walking down the street minding his own business.
It was a fine day for a walk!
Beautiful weather!
"I am going to have a nice day today," Rich thought to himself. "It is going to be the most perfect day!"
That was when Rich was flanked by three good-sized lads. They grabbed him. They carried him away and threw him blindfolded into the back of a truck and then they all drove off just like that.
Rich was beyond terrified. He almost passed out!
Eventually the truck stopped and Rich was pulled out - he tried to fight, kick and lash out with his limbs but it did him no good. He was completely in the power of his captors.
The three brutes took Rich down some steps and dragged him into a room. Finally they removed his blindfold.
He was being made to kneel inside a very dank and gloomy office. Dead cigarettes were being built up into hills on the desk, and there was smoke flying out of the windows. On the other side of the dirty desk sat a huge man.
Rich knew this man, but wished that he didn't...
The vast trunk sitting in that chair belonged to non other than Hombrecito Grande Y Tonto - leader of the feared Brazilian cartel in town!
Rich was made to kneel in front of the mighty crime-lord. Guns were being closed in on his head.
What was this all about?
What was going on?
Finally Hombrecito spoke:
'You owe me big dollar boy!' he said.
'I can't pay you! I told you! Not yet! I need time!' Rich replied. Rich was desperately trying not to cry like a child. He was so afraid. He was having three guns being aimed at him at the same time - that was a tough thing to face for any man, even a trained stunt model used to working with fully armed weapons in Hollywood movies.
'I want big dollar now. Or there will be big pay in another way,' Hombrecito bellowed on mercilessly.
He was a mean piece of work was our Hombrecito when the mood took his fancy. Not a man to be trifled with was our Hombrecito and everyone who knew him knew it as well - that was about six people in all including his grandmother, his mate Jimmy, and O yes Rich of course.
'I have got a job lined up in the crab factory,' Rich went on in his sad wobbly tearful voice. 'Once I have got the job I can start paying back what I owe you...'
'That is not good enough boy,' said Hombrecito sternly. 'I want big dollar now. I wanted big dollar yesterday. It is no longer yesterday. It is now. And you do not have big dollar now. So you must pay another way!'
'What are you going to do to me?' said Rich quivering. 'Are you going to put cement on my feet and throw me into the docks?'
'I am going hit you where it hurts,' Hombrecito replied menacingly. 'It is not my way to kill. Too easy. I will not kill you. I will send out a message instead! Every man out there who owes me big dollar they pay, if not they suffer another way. Now you suffer...'
That was Hombrecito brought out the electric shaver!
Rich saw the shaver and gulped.
'What is this? Please! Tell me what you are going to do I beg you!' said Rich.
'You have nice hair!,' said Hombrecito. 'I shave it all off! You will look like an bold badger when I am done shearing you!'
Rich begged the mighty Brazilian crime lord for mercy.
Rich received none.
And so Hombrecito got to work. He switched the shaver into action and with stroke after hideous and harsh stroke Rich's refined golden locks fell freely to the ground!
'There you go badger!' said Hombrecito bellowing with laughter. 'I turn you into badger-man!'
Out of pure cruelty Hombrecito gave Rich a mirror so he could see what had become of him. Rich was fully bold! Rich burst into tears. He couldn't believe it! The cartel had stolen not only his soul, they had stolen his beloved fleece of golden flowing hair!
After that Rich was knocked out thrown back into the truck and then later dumped into a ditch.
It was over for Rich.
***
Three days later a man named Bill received a letter. The words on it flowed thus:
William,
My dearest friend! A great dishonour has been done to your fellow friend. You know me as I know you and there is nothing I have ever had more pride in than the golden locks that grow from my head - or should I say grew - the past tense is certainly permissible in concurrence to my present predicament. Forgive my heavy tone but the hand that has written this letter has been driven by a sad force lurking in a sad mind living in a heavy soul...
Let me explain:
I have been defeated.
My enemies have struck me with a heavy blow.
They took from me my love.
It would have been better if they had killed me...
I beg thee, dearest William my oldest and most cherished accomplice I beg you again pray visit me in my home. For the shame you will soon learn I cannot leave the confines of my domicile. My home has become my prison. I no longer feel happy here. I feel trapped as dog tied to a kennel. I feel like a dog... Darkness is before my eyes and in my limbs. The darkness is palpable, I can feel it touching me gnawing at me. I hate it as much as it hates me. My life has become a horror. O sublime gloom take me in your wings and fly me away into the shadows beyond the dreams of living minds. I beg thee, hide me from the waking eyes that watch in the streets.
Please seek me out!
Your good friend,
Richard Lock.
The day after Bill read the poignant letter Bill paid a visit to his friends house. The following conversation proceeded:
Bill: My gosh! It's a giant badger! I better make a call to the RSPCA. It is the only way. We cannot allow such a large and dangerous looking beast to be loose in a public area! It might... it might hurt somebody! O No! I might be in danger of the beast myself! No! Badger! Good Badger! Stay back badger! Don't hurt me badger! Do anything you want to me badger just... just don't touch my face!
Rich: It is not badger that stands before you. It is your dear friend who sent a letter to you four days ago...
Bill: Rich? Is that you? No! It can't be! But now I look again I can see you, sort of - at least I think I can. Stand closer...
Rich: I am too ashamed to step into the light...
Bill: I can't see you from back there. Unless you step into the light I won't know that it is really you, or some imposter! Listen! You could be a dangerous stranger! I have my phone with me and I will call the police!
Rich: NO! Don't do that. Very well. For you, dear friend, I will step into the light.
Bill: Good gosh! The light is shinning so bright off of the top of your head I am struggling to look - but I must for old times sake, I must look! Good lord it really is you Rich! What happened? Why did you shave your hair off? Did some kind of madness take you?
Rich: It was my enemies that took me. They took me and they shaved me. They shaved and shamed me and left me as this - a defeated man with only memories to keep him alive.
Bill: So you were shaved? Gosh! That is brutal. I am sorry they did this to you Rich.
Rich: My hair was my pride and my joy. It was all that I lived for.
Bill: I know. But I warned you Rich plenty of times you were doing crazy things! You were getting involved with the wrong sort of people in town. You were messing with the gangs. I told you time and time again to stay dry. Don't let the street tuck you over. But I am looking at you now Rich and it looks like the streets didn't just tuck you over but they tucked you up as well. Tucked you up good and proper. I don't feel sorry for you Rich. When you play with the gangs you play a game and like any game that is a game you can win and lose. And when you lose in any game you lose good and proper. The gangs don't take mercy on losers. I know my words are brutal, and not what you want to be hearing right now but I am your friend and a true friend speaks the truth. If you had kept your head down you would be working in the crab factory now with golden locks flowing above your shoulders - proud for all to see. But here you are standing there now as bold as a badgers underside. You have brought shame down on your family.
Rich: I know! Please don't remind me of all that I have lost...
Bill: You inherited your golden locks from both sides of your family. Your fathers hair flowed like waves on the high sea, and your mothers hair in her prime glimmered like the sun - like golden daffodils in a field - swaying in the breeze, o please the memory of her hair would please many an eye to hold. And I am old and I can remember your grandfather, going to war with golden locks at his back. All of that was blessed to you, a gift! But yet you decided to throw your inheritance to the grim tides of time. I don't feel sorry for you Rich. You had it all. You and you alone let your enemies cut you down, golden locks and all.
Rich: Help me old friend! In a month I will have my locks back. I will stay in hiding until then. But I cannot hide here in this house - I have no food! But across the road there is my uncles pad - stocked up with fodder. Please! Help me to cross the road unseen. Then I will stay there and wait until my locks are back.
Bill: I think I know a way. My cousin has had her firstborn in only the last few weeks. I think I can find a bonnet to put on your head. I think I can find a pram as well. We will pretend you are a baby! I used to work on stage and I can find a wig and a dress! I will pretend to be your mother. I will push you across the road in the pram. And when we reach safety you can go into hiding!
Rich: I am 5.9!
Bill: Yes. And this is the year 2026. Nobody cares what anybody looks like anymore. And if anyone asks I will tell them that you are well fed baby!
Rich: Fine. I will go along with the plan. Yes. Anything to protect my dignity.
So the plan was put into motion. Rich placed the bonnet on his head and got into the pram. Meanwhile Bill, pretending to be a doting mother called Ann in his dress and flowing wig, started pushing the pram along.
It was time to cross the street...
Bill: My gosh! A woman approaches!
Woman: Is this your baby? Goodness don't they grow large these days?
Bill (Ann from now on): My baby is merely well fed!
Woman: I can see that! What's her name?
Ann: She is a boy, actually, and his name is Fred.
Woman: O I do apologise! These babies they all look the same don't they especially when they are bold like that! From one mother to another it must have been tough? You know what I mean?
Ann: What?
Woman: Well. My boy was 4.5kg and good gosh was it ever difficult cranking that big fat sod out. Worst job ever. Never again so long as I live I said to my husband afterwords. All I am saying is, with respect, what's your name again - Ann? O Ann! How old is he? Six weeks? Good Lord! With respect, from one woman to another, it must have been difficult giving birth to such a huge for a baby!
Ann: My baby is big because my baby is healthy! Look at me for example: I have never smoked. I don't drink. I have always eaten well. I am vegan. My baby is a reflection of the decent person I am today.
Women: Of course! You have done well as a mother. Better than me! Good gosh! It took twenty years to get my boy to be that size! Your baby must be, what , 5.9? Imagine what he will be like when he is fifteen!
Ann: Are you mocking my baby?
Women: No! Of course not! Your baby looks like a lovely lad!
Ann: Don't you speak against my baby! I raised this baby from birth! I cranked this baby out into the world to give it life!
Woman: I meant no offence!
Ann: Well I do take offence. Here I am taking my child out for a walk, getting some fresh air in his lungs, and then you come strutting forward giving me your lip interfering in my business and in my life! How dare you! Do you know how difficult it was for me a woman of 5.3 giving birth to a baby of 5.9? It almost killed me, do you hear? Yes! That's right, I almost died giving birth to this beast. And yet you have the nerve to mock me? Look at you, so arrogant! So disrespectful! I thought that you, a fellow mother, would have some idea of the difficulties I have been through. And yet you stand there like butter wouldn't melt lashing me with the harsh edge of your tongue as though I were a common cur in the street. Well I am not a common cur. I am a working class woman and I have a baby of six foot and six weeks to tend to! So get out of my way and keep your distance from me and my child in the future!
Woman: Wait a minute! Stop! I recognise this baby. Thats you isn't it Richard Lock? Why are you wearing that bonnet there? I am taking it off at once! O my gosh! What happened to your hair! You look like a badger! I am calling the RSPCA right now to have you taken away you dirty stinking creature of the wild!
Rich: Please don't call the RSPCA! I beg you! Anything but that!
Woman: You deserve to be locked up with all of the other badgers!
Rich turns to his friend Bill (Ann) and begs him for help...
Rich: My friend! Please. It's over. As soon as that woman puts down her phone I am cooked! I will be locked up with the other wild animals. I can't do it. I can't face such a fate. Once the other badgers figure out that I am not one of their kind they will eat me! I read about an old drunk who fell down a badger hole one day and the badgers ate him whole! I can't die like that. Please, Bill, take me to the docks.
Ann: Why the docks? There's nothing waiting for you there except crabs (and maybe the old seal or three. And seals can be just as vicious as badgers in a fix. And so can crabs!).
Rich: Please just do as I say. I will stay in the pram, a defeated man. Wheel me over to the docks and tip me in!
Bill being the very good and decent friend that he was did just that. He wheeled his old friend Rich over to the docks and tipped the poor defeated man into the waters. And so came to an end the life of Richard Lock! The man who had golden locks and then nothing at all! Richard Lock never had a grave because when people saw his body floating in the docks they thought he was just a great big dead stinky old badger so they left him there to be eaten by the seals and by the crabs.
THE END
(Remember! All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)
For more adventures set in the town of Fenwick Check out:
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