The biggest and best problem with drinking G-Juice is that it delivered the goods, it got you real nice and drunk (possibly lozy!) AND you never got a whiff of a hangover the next day. And that was the best bit about the problem, you just never knew when to stop drinking the stuff! And that evening Freddy drank a lot of it...
A lot a lot of a lot of a lot....
I can write this now in the name of Freddy's defeated braincells he drank WAY TOO MUCH of the G-Juice - far too much for a natural human being to endure even one accustomed to a regular lozy session or two...
An overdose of G-Juice - my gosh! When this happens it is not a good place to be, even without the horrors of the hangover... there is a price to pay for every droplet of joy drank - and nightmares to face when the days end drew nigh.
Freddy had three false awakenings in his bedroom the next morning.
And there was more!
He had a whole conversation with his Dad, a man who had passed six years ago, wrote poetry with birds and invited Mr Badger round for a cup of tea. And there was a tree suddenly growing in his living room that grew golden apples and it bloomed ALL day long!
That was the nice part of the aftermath of his G-Juice bonanza...
Now let us get to the bad bits...
After the tree withered and disappeared into a beating heart Freddy was chased around the living room by a man with the head of a pig.
He was also attacked by a giant wolfhound with red eyes.
And there was a dragon in the backyard, apparently...
Freddy decided after a while it would be for the best for him to go back to bed and sleep off the nasty aftereffects of his drinking binge.
There was a man in a dark suite standing in the corner of his bedroom.
'You need to stop drinking that stuff, Freddy. You know what I mean?' he said.
'Get out of my room or I will call the police!' said Freddy angrily.
'The police won't help you.'
'I know! They never do.'
'I am being serious,' said the man in the dark suite. 'You are not in your bedroom right now Freddy. It might look like you are, but really you aren't. We are in the astral plain right now. Tomorrow you will wake up back in the physical world. You will get a second chance to live out your 'normal' life. You don't understand the dreaded power of the G-Juice. Perhaps you do know - if only a little bit! Drink deeply and badly like that again and you will be staying with us in the astral plain for an eternity or two. You have been warned, Freddy boy. Watch your drinking! Now go back to bed and sleep. You will have more nightmares, but at least you will know what to do to safeguard yourself from us in the future. We entities from the plain of the beyond are not fools to be fooled with.'
The man in the black suit vanished, and Freddy woke up in his bed for real.
Bolly's solicitor turned up the next day.
Bolly wanted a quick divorce, a very quick divorce indeed stating that she could not stay married to so a weak man as Freddy for a single day longer.
The papers were all set and ready for Freddy to sign and the two year marriage would be done and dusted.
Freddy was sad about the business. But he knew in his heart it was for the best to end the relationship. All Freddy wanted out of life was to make Bolly happy, and he knew a divorce was the way to her heart. If she wanted a quick (hasty rather!) end to the marriage then that was what she was going to get. She also wanted Freddy's old flat as well and insisted he post her the keys to it.
Well, what Bolly wants Bolly gets, and Freddy willingly signed the papers and posted his former wife the keys.
Freddy was officially single.
The funny thing was that being single felt absolutely no different from being married.
O my how miserable he felt!
Freddy felt like a mop that had been dunked in a puddle of dank and very dirty water and then dragged across the floor. He felt bad.
Ordinarily on such an occasion Freddy would of had a drink of something strong, but after surviving the nightmares of the previous night he decided not to do that but instead spent the rest of the day depressed watching rubbish on television.
"Well it's not that bad," he tried to cope. "At least I have got my own business, a decent income, and I have some good friends looking out for me."
There was one big thing Freddy never learned in his lifetime and that was to never test the universe! NEVER DO THAT! Whenever you relax and start to feel good about something that is when the universe will decide it has another trick up its sleeve to bring you down... And that is exactly what happened the next day - the universe had another trick to play!
Freddy decided to go for a walk the next morning and that was when two good sized lads jumped him from a street corner. Placing a bag over his head they dragged him into the boot of a car and drove him away... somewhere...
"Abducting twice in one week! That must surely be a record somewhere," thought Freddy as he was being driven along.
Finally the car stopped and Freddy was scooped out of the vehicle and carried outside. After that he was carried for quite a long time. He heard a door being closed.
Now he was in a building, he could tell the winds had fallen quiet.
But it was still very cold...
Finally his captors decided to unmask him, and when Freddy opened his eyes he beheld a sight that made him wish he was no longer alive!
For sitting behind a desk on the opposite side of the room was a familiar and very dreadful face - it was nonother than Corta Boa Almoço! Except he was fatter... and had a beard and longer hair and hang on! How does that work? How does a dead and buried man put on weight and grow a new hairstyle? Something was definitely amiss for sure, and Freddy, at the point of having a complete shutdown, or a heart attack if you prefer, just didn't know what to make of it.
What was happening?
This was pure unfiltered madness!
Was Freddy still trapped inside that horrible G-Juice fuelled fever dream?
Nothing made sense not until the man explained that he was Corta's brother, Tonto Almoço!
Freddy was handcuffed to a metal chair and at gunpoint ordered to talk!
Freddy asked what his captors wanted him to talk about - he was so confused at that moment in his life.
Confused and terrified of course!
'Tell me everything!' said Tonto.
'Everything about what?' said Freddy.
'The business that went on between you and my beloved brother Corta,' said Tonto.
'There was no business between us!'
'You were seen talking together many times,' Tonto replied.
'That was just casual chitchat between one man and another... Honestly! I didn't really know your brother not at all!'
'But I heard that he had a full-blown affair with your wife?'
'O that! Bolly and I are recently (about eight hours ago precise) divorced. It is an old affair and quite forgotten about I assure you!'
'My brother has disappeared. Nobody can find him!'
'Really? Disappeared you say? Well that is sad to hear. Poor Corta! He was such a … well he was such a lovely man. Salt of the earth. I hope you find him one day alive and well!'
Freddy was being badly pressed and he was running out of lies. He was growing deeply desperate. It was out of pure desperation that he made this next silly and very sloppy speech:
'Please listen to me Mr Tonto... sir! Please! I beg you! I am a nice guy. I am not involved with the gangs. I am just a really good man. I don't know what happened to your brother I really don't! Please don't hurt me!'
'I am actually not interested in what happened to my brother,' said Tonto.
'Not interested? O! O that is wonderful! Thank goodness for that! So why am I here all chained up to this chair like this? Forgive me for feeling somewhat confused and very frightened. Maybe you have confused me for another man?'
'There has been no confusion,' said Tonto grimly.
Freddy's spirits continued to sink even further into the depths of his feet.
What was this madness all about then?
Tonto was about to explain:
'Since my brother went missing I have taken over the business,' he said. 'I have spent all morning looking through the papers. There is a lot that has been said about you Freddy.'
'O dear,' Freddy replied nervously. 'I bet it is all good stuff, right?'
'I am not interested in your personal affairs with my brother. But I am interested in your debt.'
'It is really not that interesting,' Freddy replied.
'O it is very interesting... and gaining in interest every day! You see my brother bought your debt, and now it is my job to manage that debt. So you owe me, let me see how much it is right now... O here we are!' said Tonto thumbing the papers, 'you owe me thirty five thousand pounds.'
'O it is very interesting... and gaining in interest every day! You see my brother bought your debt, and now it is my job to manage that debt. So you owe me, let me see how much it is right now... O here we are!' said Tonto thumbing the papers, 'you owe me thirty five thousand pounds.'
???????
WHAT?
'Is this a joke?' Freddy cried.
'If it were a joke you wouldn't be wearing handcuffs right now,' said Tonto coldly. 'You can keep the cuffs if you like. You can stay strapped to the chair until you rot as well. But I suggest you just pay your debt instead.'
'You know what I am going to say next, right? I just don't have that sort of money on me...'
'Then you need to find a way to see about finding that sort of money, Freddy. I will give you three weeks and then I am sending my boys over to collect!'
'Three weeks? I was thinking more like three years!'
'Three weeks Freddy. That is how much time I am giving you. If I see no bills sitting on my table then we will meet again just like this, cuffs and all. And maybe a chainsaw... Or a led pipe. Depends on my mood. Now get lost and find my money! And as you are going about your business you can tell your friends The Kings that the war is far from over. Tonto is in charge of things now. The Brazilians are back and we will not stop not until we have had revenge for the past outrages levied against us!'
Freddy was uncuffed, put back in the car and driven out somewhere. Eventually the car stopped and Freddy was dropped out on the side of the road. It took Freddy hours to walk back home again.
And as he walked he thought:
"Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire! How do I keep wandering from one mess into another. Maybe I should go back to the UK... no... my debtors will be waiting for me there as well. But how am I going to raise thirty... what was it again? THIRTY FIVE GRAND!?"
There was no feasible way he could get such business done. No bank on planet Earth would lend him such a ridiculous sum.
But Freddy did have one remaining resource. He had friends - powerful friends. Good allies.
Maybe they could somehow help him... Lend him a loan...
Maybe.
MAYBE.
"Come on Universe! You owe me a break!"
(Remember! All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)
Previous part here
There is a prequel to this story. Check the link below if you would like to read it: Jim's Subway part 1
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