Monday 8 April 2024

Jim's Subway 34: the Price of Sanity

Imagine having an enemy so efficient that they could corner and capture you within twenty minutes at any given notice, at any moment and anytime.  
  You act against them in any possible way that they deem offensive, and it is done for you.
  I imagine most people would agree that an enemy of this kind would be very terrifying to deal with.
  Most people would not want to have an enemy like this.
  Jim certainly did not want such an enemy.  But too bad for him because he had it.
  O yes!  The poor man was shtuck right up to this neck at that moment in his life...
  Jim did not know how it happened but it did - the enemy must have been waiting for him.
  Twenty minutes walk from the Bankers House and almost home Jim was attacked by several large and ugly men.  
  They came at him from three different directions.
  It was a trap!
  Jim guessed that the thugs had been placed there purposefully before the meeting with the Banker had started, and had these orders placed in their heads:
  GET JIM!
  If Jim did not go along with the Bankers deal then these men were set up and ready to grab him!
  It was  a straightforward if somewhat ham-fisted plan, but to Jim at least it made sense.  
  "They can do what they like!" Jim thought as they dropped the bag over his head.  "I am not being press-ganged into the army!"
  If this was the end then let is be so.
  He was ready for it.
  His time on Earth had been relatively short, but it had not been too bad.  He had drank more the average amount of alcohol any other human could hope to consume in their time, known a fair few weird people, and had almost got the chance to make big money.
  That last thing upset him the most...
  He was almost there!  He had almost cracked the system.  Yes him, Jim the local nobody had almost been given the chance to live it up with the big boys - the fat cats.
  Well, it didn't matter now.
  It was time for him to buckle up and accept his fate.
  When the bag was off Jim found himself standing in a stone room, possibly a cellar, or a garage.  There were no windows and the only way out that Jim could see was a set of steps leading up through a trapdoor.  But that way was blocked by two men.
  Another two men were standing either side of him, and they were armed.
  One of them, a fierce looking man with a scar and a completely shaven head was pointing a gun directly at Jim.  Indeed, the end of the gun was sitting an inch or two away from Jim's face.
  For a while all three men stood there in the dark room, saying absolutely nothing.
  Eventually Jim broke, and said something:
  'I don't understand why you are doing this!  I can find a way to pay you back the money we borrowed from you.  All this, shooting me in cold blood, it just seems like overkill!  Let's discuss this like men.  Please.  I beg you.  We don't need to act like beasts.  We can sort this out!  Give me a chance!'
  Nobody responded.
  As hopeless as it was all looking Jim felt that he should press on giving chance a go, and continue pleading for his life.
  I mean look at it form his point of view:
  His captors had not pressed the trigger yet!
  Maybe they did not mean to kill him.
  Maybe they were just trying to frighten him...
  If this was so then there was still hope to be had...
  'I can pay you back with interest,' he said.  'It doesn't have to be this way.  I was so close to finalising a lucrative business deal.  The contracts had been sign.  The pay out was going to be huge!  And it is not a joke!  I have this drink, it's called G-Juice.  Everyone loves it.  But only I have the formula.  Only I can brew it.  It was the key to my business.  More people will want to buy my drink in the future.  Now listen to this!  Once I have been paid for this business, there will be other deals.  More companies will want to purchase my drink.  The money is going to flow.  it is going to be good!  I can share this wealth with you!  So you see, killing me right here and now like this would be a waste of your time.  Let me live and I will divide my future fortunes with you.  I am not trying to trick you, either.  I can show you the contract I just signed Mr King.  It has his signature and everything.  I am going to make serious money very soon.  Just give me another week.  Let me prove myself.  Follow me home now and i will show you the paperwork.  Let me prove now to you that I am indeed a man of my word.  I want to make money.  I am going to make money.  We al want money, and you want money too?'
    Jim's captors had been listening intently.  After Jim had finished his speech the bold man sneered and said, 'Actually we don't want money.'
  When Jim heard this he knew that he was in a very bad situation.
  He was not going to be able to bribe them.
  And they obviously did not care how much he begged for mercy.
  Maybe it really was over for him...
  'Alright damn it!  Put your guns down!  I will take your damn injection!  Let's just get this over with!  You are fools!  You don't know me!  No amount of hormones are ever going to make me into a super soldier!  You are wasting your time!  But if you have to do it then do it!'
  'I don't think you understand who we are exactly,' said the bold man.
  'Well you have not said anything so far so no I have no idea who you are,' Jim replied.  
  'We are the Enforcers, underground mercenaries who serve the will and the him of the Brazilian Cartel.'
  What?
  No!
  Jim couldn't believe it!  
  So he was not in the hands of the Bankers men - nay worse!
  He had somehow managed to fall foul of the enemy!
  'You work for the Tailors, no?  We can see their mark on your wrists!  You were running from them, yes?  We are ready to strike a deal with you.  Will you listen, or should I finally pull the trigger?'
  Jim said he would listen.
  'First let there be no delusions, you are going to die this day,' the bold man continued in his grave voice.  'But I am going to let you chose how you die: quick or slow.  Tell me now that which you prefer?'
  To have to make a decision like this made Jim feel dreadfully depressed, but he knew it had to be done.
  So he did it, and asked for option a. a quick death.
  'It's been a difficult day and I just want it over and done with,' Jim replied.
  'An honourable choice,' said the bold Brazilian.  'Now all you have to do is give us the location of the Tailors base of operations.'
  'They work for the Banker in the Bankers House,' said Jim.  'You can't miss it.  It is the largest house in Fenwick, right by the castle gate.  Looks like something out of one of those old horror movies, you know the kind?  The ones with Boris Karloff...  And that other chap...'
  'You mean Vincent Price?' said the armed and bold Brazilian.  'I am a huge fan of him.'
  'Well actually I was thinking about Peter Lorre but I agree with what you are saying anyway,' Jim replied.  'I liked those old movies.  My neighbour used to watch them every night and so I would grab something to eat and set up my grandfathers old telescope!'
  'What was the telescope?  Is it some kind of British fad?'
  'No!  I am cheap and I can't afford a tv license so I would just watch movies through my neighbours window.  Don't knock it!   You can't beat watching a nice bit of free television.  And to think I was days, possibly even hours away from signing a contract that was going to set me up for life as a millionaire  Sigh  And now you are going to put a bullet in my head.'
  'Ah yes!  You remind me!  It is time to shoot you, my good man,' said the Brazilian.  'A pity.  I was starting to like you, British man, but now it is time to end things.  Well, you just stand there for a minute or two while I go a fetch the chainsaw...'
  THE WHAT?
  'Hang on there a minute I asked for quick death,' Jim spoke up with great haste and horror in his tongue.
  Jim would admit that he was a weird man who had lived a very weird life, but he was normal enough just about to not want to die at the hands of a lunatic wielding a chainsaw.
  'And you will have a quick death, my fellow, a quick death by chainsaw,' the bold aggressor returned.  'Let us begin our journey!'  
  He then ordered his comrade to bring the chainsaw in.
  Jim asked why he could not just be shot instead, and his bold captive shrugged and said simply, 'Firearms are illegal in the United Kingdom so to avoid any trouble with customs while entering the country we packed fake guns.  Hey!  Don't knock it, as you British say.  Look at the situation now.  It has worked!  Admit it, you are scared to death right now!'
  They were holding fake guns?
  The bold Brazilian was a much larger man by comparison for sure, but Jim was not afraid to smack him round the face if it meant escaping a a terrible death by a chainsaw - which is what he did.
  Jim actually managed to knock his captive out clean with one blow of his clenched hand!
  NICE!
  The second man looked stunned by what was going on, and then turned to run away.  He vanished very quickly through the back door, not before discarding his fake firearm and exclaiming that he was not from Brazil and that he was actually an actor who needed the money to pay for his poor mothers medical bills and that he had a lot to drink that evening and didn't really know what was going on.
  So that was it!  The deed was done.  His enemies were beat!
  Jim looked at his bloody knuckles with total shock.
  He didn't know he had it in him...
  He had singlehandedly dealt with the Brazilian Cartel all by himself and with no help whatsoever.
  Marvellous!
  What an accomplishment...
  And if Jim had in him the juice to bring down a whole terrorist organisation then surely there could be few tasks out there that he could fail at finishing if he truly put his mind to it?
  But Jim couldn't be bothered to think too much about it at that moment.
  His life was still on and he just wanted to enjoy his freedom...

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

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