SWW Productions: The Curse of Squib

"There was a man called Squib, who liked to tell a fib! He messed about, and lied with his mouth...

...And now he is in a crypt!

...That stupid man called Squib."

THE SAD LEGEND OF SQUIB

**DAY 1

Bill: Ever heard about Squib?

Phil: Is that some kind of a Christmas tree decoration?

Bill: No! He was a person. He was one of the local lads! He was quite famous! What's wrong with you? Have you been living your whole life with your head under a pillow?

Phil: Well I did yawn just then so I suppose the answer would be yes. So tell me about this Squib lad of yours then. Sounds an odd sort!

Bill: Squib was actually one of the most normal men I have ever known - until he got involved with the movie business. He started out working in the Fenwick Theatre. He used to drink here in the evenings. His real name was Erik Peter David Michael Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff Jr. Born to a renown local pigeon fancier he trained to be a hawk tamer, but ended up in the movie business after he showed a talent for film. He was talented indeed have no doubt about it. I saw his earlier pictures. Black and white, smooth and gorgeous films. They mostly revolved around hawks and pigeons, and he made a movie about an owl once, got a French Lady to dub the owl very odd. Erick was really into birds of the feathered kind, sort of obsessed really, but that was the only odd thing about him. O yeah and he used to eat cold porridge mixed with onions. But apart from that a really normal guy. He married a woman called Claire. She was large around the waist if I remember, wobbled when she walked. They had two bizarre sons who ended up joining the American army.

Phil: Why were the sons bizarre?

Bill: Well they were both a scholarly kind. Grew up reading and quoting Hans Christian Andersen, and the one son loved Alice in Wonderland and used to wear a dress and demanded everyone call him Alice. It just seems odd they both went the army way, one of them ended up dying in the war against the Cartel...'

Phil: Bless his brave soul!

Bill: Aye well, so Erik got involved with film. Made a couple of pictures. Made movies about owls and other birds. He made a movie about a walrus once and dedicated it to his wife. It was the only movie he made that wasn't about birds - unless you want to call his wife a bird and well you can't really do that in 2026 and anyway I wouldn't really call that woman a bird she was really more of a sea potato. But anyway, getting back to things, it turns out in the end that our boy Erik was a good actor among other things. That was how he got involved with theatre. One of his sons was acting in a dramatization of the wizard oz for a local school production and the actor, or child I mean who was playing the scarecrow fell sick and so our boy Erik, hero that he is, stepped in to play the role. Little did he know that Luca Vincenzo was watching.

Phil: Isn't he...

Bill: Mafia?

Phil: No way!

Bill: Also a movie producer. Really wealthy. Got a lot of money. In with the Kings. Makes movies locally and distributes them globally.

Phill: Such a famous person! Who would think such a man would be present at a local school production of oz...

Bill: That's fate for you son. So anyway, Luca is making a series of commercials for TV at the time advertising shoes and he wanted a scarecrow character in the commercial to wear the shoes. So Squib was born and Erik was playing him. They were good commercials: big budget! I remember them well.

Phil: Now you come to mention it I think I remember them as well!

Bill: You should do. They were very good. Quality. And Squib? Man! Erik played that scarecrow like a dream. Perfection on the screen. But then something happened. It's a mystery. The story is Luca made a joke about Erik's wife, something about her wobbling as she walked, and Erick, bless him! Our boy Erik he just laughed back. Few drinks in the belly, you know how it goes. Well his wife overheard the business of her husband laughing at this joke and the story is that she either cursed him or she found a local witch to curse her husband. And that was when the curse set in, because our boy Erik, bless him, he was cursed from that day forth.

Phil: Did his wife truly wobble?

Bill: I think she did!

Phil: Good gosh! Carry on with your story. Tell me more about this curse!

Bill: Well our boy Erik was doing his thing, you know, strutting around like a scarecrow. He was doing another commercial, it was his job to dress up like that. But when the production was over disaster struck. Our boy Erick he couldn't take off his scarecrow makeup! There was nothing he could do about it. He was forced to walk the streets as a shambling shaggy dirty old scary looking scarecrow.

Phil: My gosh! The horror of it!

Bill: So Erik's world fell apart! There was nowhere he could go. If he paid a visit to his local drinking den then people would give him a strange eye. I admit I looked at him odd once. I regret it. I told him 'you need to get out of character, Erik.' I told him that he can't go around method acting not while dressed like a dirty old scarecrow thing. I upset him, poor soul. His wife ended up leaving him. We are talking full on divorce! She wouldn't let Erik see his children. She put a restraining order on him. Erik's life was done. He went from a talent to a scarecrow in ONE night.

Phil: Such is life! What a sad tale.

Bill: No one has seen him since. Squib vanished. Some say he still lurks the streets, but I don't know. I just wish I could meet the man again and apologise for giving him a strange eye. He was a good man. He needed a friend. I could have been a friend. Except I let him down. We all let him down.

**DAY 2

Phil: (Damn! I need to get to work! Damn crabs won't catch themselves - and the Kings will kill me if they find that I have overslept... Gotta get going... O wait! Who is that large woman approaching? I better hide... O no! Too late. She's got me! Darn. I am going to have to talk to her!) Can I help you?

Claire: No. But I want you to have this.

She hands Phil a book. It is Erik's journal. While taking a break at the crab factory Phil starts to read the crusty old journal.

THE JOURNAL

"Hello to all or any who read this. I am Erik... Or I used to be. Nowadays I am only known as Squib. LOOK AT ME! I am an ordinary person. In my heart I am normal. I might not look it... normal, or whatever normal is... I might look strange. But I am normal in my soul. I can't... I don't know how to say this... I can't take off my mask. I must walk the streets in shame with a head looking like a giant turnip. I am so ashamed. People... They can't look at me. They run away. They are frightened. I don't like it. THEY don't like it. My own children hate me. They will not speak to me. And my wife... she hates me. Things were never any good between us. Our relationship was mostly me hiding behind a sofa. She left me with nothing but tears, and my face... the face of a turnip. I cannot bear to see my face. It is NOT a face. I am not a human anymore. I am a shambling beast. How can I live like this? I don't think I can. I have lost it ALL. I have lost my home, my children, and my love... Don't be like me. Whoever reads this please do not be like me! I am nothing now but a tramp with a turnip head and I am ashamed. I am fully and completely and wholly ashamed of myself. I was going for a walk by one of the local lakes and I saw a reflection in the water of my turnip head. The sight of it filled me with pure disgust. Don't be like me. It is NOT worth it. These days I am in hiding. I found an old house I can camp in. It is lonely, but at least I will not be seen. Of all the disgusting things I have ever been this thing... this horror... O please bring me respite! But I know I will have none of that. I must spend my days in this old place wandering, thinking, waiting... I am a ghost in flesh and one day I will be a ghost without flesh - and this old ruin will be my home. Think of me.'

**Day 3

Back at the pub...

Phil: You remember what we were talking about the other day?

Bill: O yeah you were talking about your grandfather I remember. You told me he was a war veteran? Sounds like a fine man!

Phil: No! Not that. I mean about Squib.

Bill: O yeah! Squib who told a fib!

Phil: I have been having these dreams. I dreamt that I was in this old place, a building with no furniture. And there is this scarecrow just standing there. It is a horrible dream. I can't sleep without seeing it! I can't stop these nightmares.

Bill: Phil, my lad! Calm down and listen up! Look at yourself in the mirror. There is one over there. Look at yourself. Tell me what you see? Do you see a face? A human face? Do you see Phil? Yes? That's good. You do not have a turnip head? Then you have nothing to worry about.

THE END