It Happens at Night 2: The Long Walk Home...

 As far as losers go, Freddy ranked quite high on the list, or low, depending on which way you preferred to go.

  Freddy did not do well at school, and as a fully grown adult worked shifts as a toilet cleaner.

  So he was a janitor, and yes, Freddy was highly embarrassed about it.

  So embarrassed in fact that he told everybody, and I mean everybody including his own wife that he worked professionally as an accountant.

  F. Colden Accountancies Services Ltd was the name of his business that did not exist.

  He kept a suit in his car and changed into it before going back home.

  He found the double-life hard work.  He felt like superman, if superman was a massive failure and cleaned toilets for a living.

    Toilet cleaning paid the bills, just about...  but in order to complete the fiction that he was a successful accountant Freddy had to make extra money on the side, by any means possible!  
  And that was where the grave digging business came into play...

  'I have found a juicy one for us to dig up tonight,' said Uncle Lucien.  He rubbed his hands gleefully.  He loved the thought of going out at night with a shovel by his side.  Most people like a night out with their friends - the same with Lucien, except his friends were all dead...

  'What's the deal?'

  Uncle Lucien explained all:

  'A ring.  Such a beautiful thing, worn by an old man three weeks dead.  He wore it on his right ring finger.  My fence told me about it.  It is worth four figures.'

  Four figures in the pocket?  Think about that!

  For the fist time in months Freddy was actually excited about something.  (Excitement was an experience Freddy rarely got to taste, so he had to savour it when it ever at all came along).  

  'It will be three figures each once we have split the difference,' Uncle Lucien explained gloomily.

  'Fine.  Let's do it.  Did you bring the shovel?'

  'Always do, sir.  It follows me everywhere.  Bless that fine shovel of mine!  Tis as loyal as a dog, as they say.'

  'Marvellous.  I need the money more than usual this time.'

  'Might I pray ask why?'

  Freddy didn't really want to go into his private life, but well the two relations had some time to kill so he did.

  'Problems at home,' Freddy started reluctantly.  'You know how it is?  No you don't I guess because you always stick to yourself don't you uncle?  Well let me tell you it's not so easy for me.  Things aren't going well between Bolly and me.  It's tough times.  She started doing these really strange things and only weeks after we were married.  Literally days into the marriage she flipped.  She acts like one of those characters out of those old horror movies, you know the kind I mean?  Dracula and all that.  Wakes up in the middle of the night cold white, shadows for eyes.  Nasty stuff.  She bought this glove the other day with claws on the end of the fingers.  My gosh!  She brandishes the thing any time she says I am standing out of line.'

  'A glove with claws?  Well that is certainly a new on me?' said Uncle Lucien.  'Never heard of that kind of thing before and I have heard about a lot of weird stuff in my time.  Sounds like you have got yourself a really tough maybe even slightly mad wife there, Freddy.  I feel sorry for you.  Sort of...'

  'Indeed,' Freddy went on.  'She told me the full history of the glove.  She told me that certain women  of quality back in Victorian and Edwardian England used to wear a clawed glove to defend themselves from men.  So it was a glove used for self-defence, not intimidation.  So she bought it from an old rickety shop, you know the kind?  The ones where they sail old paintings and grandfather clocks...

  'And clawed gloves apparently!'

  'Yes!  She threatens to cut me with it daily, you know?  I tell you uncle, I am scared to go home.  If she were to ever find out the truth about me...'

  'What?  The truth that you are an unsolicited toilet cleaner?'

  'Don't say that out loud, you fool!  The walls have ears and the hills have eyes, I think that is what Shakespeare said and it is true!  Someone out there could be listening to us right now!'

  'Like who?  Look around!  We are two very boring looking men.  Boring we are literally boring.  Who would take a whiff of interest in anything what we are talking about?'

  'One of her people of course!  She has already made a number of dubious friends since she arrived in town.  And she is becoming very friendly with the Irish of late.  O it is bad business indeed!'

  'I agree.  It sounds bad.  Rather you and than me, Freddy my boy!'

  'The only reason she decided to marry me and leave her home in Thailand was because she thought I was a successful accountant.  Yes.  I know.  I lied to her.  I was stupid.  I made out I was this rich man.  She fell for it, sadly.  Then I pay for her visa bring her back home and show her the one bedroom apartment that I rent and suddenly it's not quite so easy keeping up appearances.  She constantly moans about my lack of cash.  That's why I need this grave digging business to work!  If I run out of money I know she will divorce me and take me to the cleaners!'

  'Or take you to the toilet as is more appropriate in your case!'

  'This isn't funny uncle!  I am in dire straights here!'

  'Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if she divorced you and the truth came out!'

  'How do you mean?'

  'Well at least you would be from a crazy woman and that pesky old glove she likes to wear against you.'

  'You are so stupid!  Lucien!  Do you have any idea what calamity such an event, if it were to happen, would cause for me on social media?  Imagine what my profile would read like to my old school friends - Freddy Colden:  Sad middle aged bolding single loser who cleans toilets for a living!  It would be a disaster for me on a personal level.  I would be the laughing stock of the community.  A complete and true failure in the very literal definition of the word.'

  'There is glory in failure.'

  'O shut up!'

  'It is not a bad thing to admit defeat!  It sets you free from the burden of the lie.'

  'Yes.  I am sure Napoleon would have agreed with you back in the day when he was sent in exile to Saint Helena.'

  'And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being lonely.  I mean look at me for example.  I have always been on my own!  And I am quite happy!'

  'O yes!  Let's look at you, Uncle Lucien.  You look like something out of ruddy Gormenghast!  You creak about like ghost.  How old is that coat you have got on now?  Do you ever change it?  It's covered in cobwebs!  You look like a disgrace.  Aren't you embarrassed about people seeing you looking like that? in public?'

  'No at all, sir.  I never see anybody.  Nobody with eyes...  And I wasn't aware that ghosts creaked, sir.  Unless you have met a different kind of ghost to me.'

  'Uncle!  Stop twisting my words you cursed cad!'

  'I don't twist nothing, sir.  I can't.  Physically.  I just speak the truth.  Now you are not going to like me saying this, but, tough, because I am going to say it:  Now as you know I am no stranger to failure, but you take the biscuit my dear boy there in the failure department!  You forget that I know your family.  Your brother who is a doctor...

  'We don't talk about him...'

  'And the sister who is a lawyer...'

  'We don't talk about her either...'

  'And yet here you are, the literal black sheep of the family, the well-to-do accountant who always has empty pockets!  Ha!  If only the world really knew!  It's a sad life at least for certain people I suppose.  Especially for those forced to live a lie.'

  'I will have you know that I am a happily married man!'

  'To a mail ordered bride who expects payment up front!  There is another word for such a service...'

  'I hate you!  I am married to a beautiful woman I met in Thailand!  We fell in love!'

  'Yes.  And then you met the glove...'

  'You are a fiend!'

  'At least I don't deny it.'

  'You really know how to cheer someone up don't you, you creeper!' said Freddy sarcastically.  

  'I don't try to cheer anybody up.  It is not my way,' Uncle Lucien replied, honestly.

  'Don't try to be clever.  Alright!  Let's stop arguing.  It's getting late.  We need to get to business.'

  Whatever was going to happen in the future, Freddy felt safe that he as going to be heading home with five hundred pieces of paper in his pocket.

  And that was a good thing.

  Freddy was already thinking in his head stories he was going to spin:
  'O I have had a great day in the office my love!  Cash in hand!  Marvellous.  Look at the money!  Yes!  The burden of success, hey?  Don't worry, my love, I will carry the burden.  It is what any loyal husband would do!'

  It was time for Freddy to face Bolly...

  
(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

There is a prequel to this story.  Check the link below if you would like to read it:

Jim's Subway part 1

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It Happens at Night 1: A Grave Night

I see you there...

  Walking the streets without a care!
  You are a fool.

  My eyes are on you.  

  I see you when you take your walks in the night.

  I know what it is you do.

  And eventually I will  get you...

Freddy Colden was standing beside the bar with his hands in his pockets.  

  It was late.  It was very dark, and Freddy was tired.

  He was waiting for his uncle to return.

  'I am going to need a pint of G-Juice before I do this,' he said.

  'Don't tell me you have enlisted?' said the barman.

  'NO!  Nothing like that.  I am just paying my aunt a visit.  It's been a while.'

  'O I see.  Visiting relatives is awkward.  I went to visit my grandmother the other day.  I took my dog Rosy with me.  Rosy is a fine thoroughbred bitch and very expensive.  An my gosh is she ever trouble!'

  The barman took a swig from Freddy's drink, and rambled on with his fine tale:

  'That dog is a troublesome beast!  As soon as we got the thing in the house it ran amok.  My grandmother did not know what to do!  O!  Here's your pint, Freddy.  I hope you don't mind but I supped the top off.  I am just a bit thirsty you see.'

  'NO worries,' said Freddy.  'I ordered half a pint anyway.'

  'Well you see that is the trick,' the barman waffled on.  'A man orders half a pint, I pour him a full pint, and then drink half of it.  Then I proceeded to charge him for a full pint.  Good for business and I get to fill my belly with beer.'

  'And how is business?'

  'Not good.  Got the bailiffs checking in tomorrow.'

  'Sorry to hear about that!'

  'Don't be.  It's just life.  Things have been tough in Fenwick since the war,' said the barman.

  'But the war ended eighty years ago, didn't it?'

  'Not that war.  The street war.  You know the one between the Brazilian Cartel and the King family up the road?  Dreadful business indeed.'

  'O yes.  I heard about that.  Nasty stuff,' said Freddy, sadly.  'Who would have thought we would live in times like this.  I mean when I was a lad you never heard about such horrible things.  The streets were safe.  I mean we still had murderers and creeps and degenerates and all that sort of stuff, but you would never hear about cartels and that kind of thing, not here in Fenwick.  The world has gone mad!  I mean what do the Brazilians want in this poxy town?'

  'That stuff you are holding right now in your hand,' the barman returned darkly.  'G-Juice!  Ever since that stuff sneaked into the market everyone once to control it.  Now you listen to this, Freddy!  I know what goes on in the street because I was homeless for ten years and I am about to go homeless again.  I know what happens out in the alleys and street corners when the lights go out.  There are gangs.  Thugs.  And it is not just the Brazilians we have to worry about.  O no!  There are the Irish.  They setup shop a few years ago.  The Irish and the Brazilians have been fighting a covert war for the last three years.  So watch yourself out there, Freddy.  There's a war going on right now!'

  'Trust me!  I will be very careful!'

  Just then the door opened and in stepped a bizarre, six foot stick of man.  His hair was white with age, his brow thick set permanently furrowed and brooding.  His eyes were dark and dead.  His skin was pale and sickly.

  So this was Uncle Lucien.

  He looked like he was wearing makeup and had just stepped off of the set of a horror movie, but no, that was just how he looked.

  ALL THE TIME.

  He never changed his clothes.

  His coat was covered in cobwebs.  

  He stank like a grave.

  Now Lucien was a mystery to all.

  Did he care about his looks?

  Was he even still alive?

  Nobody knows?

  And nobody cared.

  Nevertheless he was a customer and the barman was happy to see him.

  With na few awkward swings of his long rotten legs Lucien joined them both at the bar.

  'Ah!  Lucien my dear fellow!  Can I offer you a drink?' said the barman.

  'I never drink,' said the pale man.  'A man needs his wits in these dark days.  The streets are very dark.  Very foul.  A mans mind is his only defence.  A weak man can defeat a strong man so long as his brain remains sharp.  And my brain is very sharp.  As sharp as a deadly dagger.  The sort of dagger that a man might use to murder another man in a dark and cold lonely alley on the edge of the city.  The murder would take place preferably near to the dock so that the body could be slipped nicely into the cold waters below and be forgotten about forever.'

  'Well Mr Lucien, you fine fellow!  If you don't want a drink then I will have one for you,' the barman replied.

  As the barman began to drink his fill Freddy grabbed his uncle and pulled him over to a quiet corner where they could talk alone in peace.  

  'We will sit down here and talk.'

  'I can't sit down,' Lucien replied, gravely.  'I can lie down on the floor.  But I have not been able to sit down on a chair for the last ten years.  Rot in the knee caps!  My legs simply won't bend.'

  FINE!

  So Freddy propped his uncle in the corner like a lamp and then dragged a seat over just for himself.  

  'Now listen up, uncle.  Are you ready to do this?'

  'On a fine dark night like this?  Why my dearest of dear nephews!  I am always ready...'

  'Splendid!  Did you bring it?  Did you...  bring the shovel?'

  'I always bring my shovel.  We have a deep bond, my shovel and I.  It is the only thing I have ever loved in my life.  Some people out there might say I am a very sad man, but I would disagree with them.  Yes.  It is true.  The only thing I have ever loved is a shovel, but then you know how that old saying goes like don't you Freddy?  It is better to have loved than to never have loved at all.'

  'Okay.  That's fine.  Let's get to business.'

  Lucien never smiled.

  But if you were there with them at the time in that dank drinking den you would have been able to tell by the sudden pips and beats in his sly little voice that Uncle Lucien couldn't wait to crack on with business!

  After Freddy had polished off his drink the two of them set out and walked over to the local church...

  Ah well...  actually to the graveyard that was behind it!

  'There she is!' said Freddy.

  They stepped up to the gravestone.

  Martha Colden 1937 to 2020.

  'Marvellous,' said Lucien.  'Should we begin?'

  O yes!

  It was time indeed to dive right into things...

  He might have had really rotten legs, but his arms were good and strong, and with several great strokes Uncle Lucien had heaved up all six feet of soil and clay, eventually revealing the oaken box below.  

  The two men put masks on before finally cracking the casket open.

  Ignoring the very putrid body within, Uncle Lucien reached down and grasped the broach the haggard corpse was wearing.

  When they had it they hammered the lid back down and forced all the soil back into place.

  Uncle Lucien held the pretty broach up against the moonlight.

  ‘A job well done!’

  They sold it that morning to their favourite fence for the fetching sum of £250.

  They split the profits half each, respectfully, and then each man turned and walked away like they didn’t know each other.

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

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Also take a look at:
My Games
Play Give 'em Hell
Play Elfin Quest
Witches Brew a short text based adventure game!
Also take a look at:
My YouTube Channel
My Books

THE LEGEND OF RUDWIN REVIEW