It was a smelly pub. It smelt of mildew. There was more fungi in the place than people. No human being would stay in the place for thirty seconds unless they were desperate that or simply trying to find a place repellent enough to hide from unwanted family members.
Wilkins bought two pints of bitter, a local draught that apparently tasted like drained sock essence according to a local madman. The madman's story was that while caught up in a stint of madness he actually drank the juice out of his own socks and afterwards, once he had been properly medicated, likened the flavour of his sock to that of the local bitter... Yes - not very nice and certainly not the kind of story two thirsty men hoping to kill a few braincells wanted to hear, but well when you are desperate... Beggars can't be choosers and all that...
The two soldiers sat down to a table to talk.
'Congratulations on the promotion,' said Wilkins to the man sitting opposite the table to him. Wilkins sipped his drink and almost threw up. When he had recovered he continued his speech. 'Three weeks in the army hey and you get promoted to Sergeant! Incredible stuff!' he said harshly.
'It was rather sudden wasn't it?' Jack replied timidly.
'Unprecedented more like,' Wilkins returned. 'The Captain obviously likes you more than he does me...'
'I don't think it was personal.'
'I am sure it wasn't,' said Wilkins in an unpleasant tone. He was hacked off with the business concerning the promotion and Jack could see it as keen as a hawk could see a shrew in the grass.
'During our meeting the Captain told me he holds nothing but the highest admiration for all of his men!' said Jack cheerily.
'If you say so, Sergeant. I guess you are in charge now?'
'Sadly yes,' said Jack meekly.
'What's the plan of action then, Sergeant?'
'We need to end this war preferably on conditions favourable to our side!'
'We better start trying to find this island where the enemy is based?'
'You know about the island?'
'Of course,' said Wilkins casually as if the secret information about the island meant nothing at all. 'I was doing research on the matter,' Wilkins continued. 'I was hoping to impress the Captain with my initiative, maybe even get promoted to Sergeant. But it appears you beat me rather roundly to that goal, Sergeant Jack sir.'
'You don't have to call me sir.'
'Well officially I do.'
'Okay. Fine. Call me sir,' said Jack reluctantly. 'Let's move on now from this talk about promotions and ranks and talk instead about this mysterious island. Any ideas where we might be able to find the place?'
'Yes. It is off the West Coast. Rather close to our present position actually,' said Wilkins calmly.
'But the enemy were supposed to be attacking from the North and the East?' said Jack.
'That was nothing except a clever ruse meant to fool us,' Wilkins replied. 'The Cartel launched a raid on a key position a few weeks ago and left a few false facts behind before they retreated including a certain briefcase. The briefcase contained documents describing a two prong attack against Fenwick. Reading the documents I knew they had to be fake. I know this region well I have lived here all of my life. No enemy can launch an attack to the North or to the East because the terrain is too rough. If the Cartel were serious about invading Fenwick then they are going to take a note from history and do what the Nazis did back in 1941 and attack from the West. And that is where our island lies. I have actually visited the place more than once. Like I told you I grew up in this region. Most importantly the island is home to an old Nazi outpost. It is there the Brazilians have established their base...'
'My gosh! It's like history repeating itself!'
'Except unlike our ancestors we are going to attack the enemy first,' Wilkins replied. 'The other day I reprimanded a small boat from a local fisherman. I told him I was part of the American army and he quickly stepped down. I have positioned the boat down by the bay. It is waiting for us to board. We can start our mission right away.'
On hearing this Jack burst into terror. 'Now wait and slow down a second!' he cried. 'We cannot just land on an enemy controlled island guns blazing! I mean do we even have guns?'
'We aren't going to use guns on this mission, Sergeant Jack. We are going to use alcohol!'
WHAT??
'I have acquired a barrel of distilled G-Juice the special purple vintage. The best! When the Brazilians see and smell it they will want it so bad they will be willing to make a deal and let us go! The barrel is already on board the boat all we need to do is take it over to them. We will go forth disguised as local fishermen! My plan is to wait for the enemy to all get drunk and when they are finally completely out of it I am going to cut their throats in their sleep...'
'We can't do that to all of them?' Jack exclaimed with horror.
Jack was utterly appalled! Corporal Wilkins had seemed like such a fine gentleman when he first met him - but now it turned out that the man was actually a psychopathic killer! What bad luck!
'There are going to be loads of these armed cartel lads waiting for us,' Jack went on. 'They won't all be stupid enough to fall for your trick!'
'They will. You see as it turns out, according to my source, the base is being guarded by three men.'
THREE?
Before Jack could press forth and ask how he knew all of this Wilkins sipped that last of his foul bitter and said, 'I have got a source living on the island. He emails me regularly. You see when I was fifteen I did some work experience over on the island helping out as a farmhand. I made friends with ALL of the locals. It was easy to do because the island has a population of twelve people. Most of them are mad and glad for the company. When I returned to Fenwick to sign up with the forces my source promised to keep in contact and message me if anything were to happen on the island. All of our enemies want this island because of its strategic value so I thought having a spy hanging around the place was a good idea and would help with my career. I know there are some men in the army who think I am working for the Brazilians... I have heard the whispers. It is the reason why Captain Jones put you in charge. You don't have to explain yourself to me Sergeant Jack. I am one step ahead of everybody in this game. It is my way. I am very vague about everything I do and I never reveal my sources. I keep to the shadows. It is how I intend to progress. Now if you are ready, sip up the rest of your bitter, if you can without throwing it up, and buckle up and prepare because there is a boat waiting for us out there on the beaches.'
Jack decided to give the rest of his pint to the madman at the bar, a gruff man who seemed to have a penchant for liquid that tasted like drained sock juice. After that Jack adjusted his coat and set out for the coasts with Wilkins.
It was time to get on with the mission.
It was time to end the war.
They made their way down to the beach following some old steps chiselled into the rocks by the bay. There was the boat as Wilkins said, tied up and packed with the equipment required to complete their adventure.
Once they had gotten into their rough and dirty smelling fisherman outfits the two soldiers climbed into the boat and set out across the dark rolling waves.
It was all very atmospheric - if a tad boring...
Through the mists they rowed.
It was rough and tough work.
All of those press-ups he had ever done for Captain Jones finally started to pay off as Jack heaved and hoed across the thick resilient waters.
Finally a large shape appeared in view - it was the island!
'We will land here,' said Wilkins. 'Don't worry! I know the way!'
Finally the boat hit the shore. The two men slammed their feet back down on dry land and started out on their journey.
The old Nazi outpost was up ahead in plain view. You could see the black eagle still painted on its grim gates - a sad reminder of the dark old days. But the building itself looked empty?
With a few more steps they were finally inside the building.
The two men put the barrel of G-Juice they had been carrying down onto the ground. They had been carrying it together all the way upland from the boat. It was hard work carrying that large heavy thing but they got the job done.
'The place is empty,' said Jack looking around.
Evidently no human had been inside the place since 1950.
There were cobwebs stretching from wall to wall and the only sign of life apart from the spiders were the rats... and the odd snake.
'Of course the place is empty,' said Wilkins and then he started to laugh in a chilling way.
Jack was confused but before he could ask any stupid questions Wilkins brought out an old WW2 German Walther P38. It had been waiting in a box ready for him to grab and to use against Jack! It looked like Jack had been led into a fine trap - but why? 'This has all been part of my plan! I wanted to lure you here!' said Wilkins pointing his gun in the direction of the other man.
Wilkins then cocked the weapon...
'So you are a spy after all, hey Wilkins?'
'NO.'
'What? Then you are a Nazi? I recognise that gun from old WW2 movies! You are trying to rebuild the Nazi Empire aren't you? That is what this is all about isn't it?'
'Don't be stupid Jack! That's not the plan. The plan is to make you suffer! Wake up you idiot! It's me don't you know? It's me Sir Kreep! I am in disguise! I can change my shape! You dimwit! Haven't you figured it out that you are still stuck in a video game! You have been inside a game all of this time!'
WHAT? NO! It couldn't be so?
'I have done all of this just to make you suffer,' said Sir Kreep who had reverted back to his original hideous shadowy shape.
'You monster!' Jack cried. Jack had to get his breath back before he could talk again. 'So this is the end!' he said finally. And then he went on. 'Before you do anything horrible to me I have but one question! Why did you make us lug this giant barrel of G-Juice up the hill if there was nobody waiting to drink it?'
Sir Kreep shrugged and replied with a casual quip, 'I wanted to make you suffer a little bit more that's all!'
'You are mad!'
'So are you,' Sir Kreep returned. 'You are mad and you have been had! You play video games Jack and I played you like a game. But now I am bored - go away back to your bedroom... and your games. Have a happy life if you can.'
Jack woke up back in his own bed back home in his mothers house.
It had all been a dreadful nightmare.
Or had it?
Well whatever way Jack didn't care. He was just happy to load up his computer and have a quick session of King and Conqueror!
Fantastic game!
'I need to relieve some stress after all that,' said Jack flicking on his computer screen. 'It's time to kill some peasants!'
So Jack became a king again and killed many peasant and won many battles even though in real life he was just pressing buttons...
...and getting fat.
THE END
sort of...
...Jack finally managed to level his king character up to level 1011. It only took 120 hours of his real life! Jack gobbled down his chips and swigged his cider:
'Ah! The wonders of being unemployed!' he said to himself.
It was the good life again for our boy Jack!
So there it is! A happy ending for you dear reader. Marvellous stuff!
(Remember! All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)
(For Part 5 Click HERE).
(For more adventures set in the town of Fenwick Check out: IT HAPPENS AT NIGHT & JIM'S SUBWAY).
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