Greg and Pete ended up hitching a ride with a strange man who took an interest in their picture taken from the video game GOX. He said he wanted to examine the picture properly but ONLY with the help of a magnifying lens...?
The stranger told the lads that his name was Vance King. Greg and Pete didn't quite believe him because the Kings were all well known upper class types who only lived in the rich section of town and never travelled east of the wall. But Greg and his mate were willing to go along with the lunatic if it meant getting a free ride away from the forest and some information to boot.
Greg and Pete had been spending too much of their time getting drunk, chased around and being thrown out of buses. It was time to get cracking again. It was time to push on with the GOX project. They had to try and do something. They couldn't keep on just aimlessly wandering around.
So this is how the next stage of the trip started. This is how they came to meet the man named Vance.
***
Greg and Pete had found this old road and they were walking along the side of it when this man driving a rough scrapheap looking Toyota Hilux plopped up beside them and started inviting them in for a ride to east side. He was a rough looking guy. He told them he was heading east and to him it looked like they were heading that way to. 'Welcome to Iguana Country lads!' he said loudly through his vehicle window. 'My name is Vance by the way. That's it! It's me, yours truly - Vance King! I am out and about looking to make my fortune in Sunscale City! I am off to Fenwood! You are looking at a future superstar right here!'
"Yeah right," thought Greg secretly in his head. "I am sure Fenwood is looking for a grubby looking tramp to star in its next movie production."
'Where you lads off to then?' the smelly tramp blubbered on. He smelt of tobacco even from far away and he sounded drunk, which was really quite worrying as the man was clearly driving a vehicle.
Greg showed the tramp called Vance the photo of the house he had taken from his video game, GOX. 'We want to find this place,' he said pointing at the picture - specifically at the house which was the centre of it.
'Well you lads have just been handed a little tickle of luck! I think Sunscale holds such a place!' said Vance. 'I have seen it before in my travels I am certain of it! Sunscale is the place you want to go if you are hoping to find a house like that!'
That was some seriously GREAT NEWS!
Greg and Pete agreed to take the lift and got into the Hilux.
'So you have played GOX then?' said Greg to the driver.
'Of course I have!' after he said that Vance burst out into insane laughter and when he had finished doing that he said to the lads in a more relaxed tone: 'NO! Never heard of it actually.'
Greg and Pete didn't get it. Why joke about such a thing? Fears of the man's mental state were finally starting to pour in...
'Why did you say you played it then?' said Greg.
'I just like messing with people that's all,' said Vance, as if that was an okay kind of thing to do.
'But you do recognise the picture of the house right?' Greg pushed on.
'I think so...' and now the man started to sound unsure. That was NOT a good thing. If the man in fact knew NOTHING about the GOX house then Greg and Pete were hitching a ride with a clueless moron. And if they really were riding in the company of a clueless moron then they wanted to get out of the vehicle and quickly. 'I am going to have to take a closer look at that picture first, lads,' said Vance taking a hand off the wheel to light a smoke. 'Don't worry!' he said cheerful, filling the atmosphere around Greg and Pete with second-hand smoke, 'I have got a magnifying glass at home!' Vance talked about the magnifying glass as if it was something to take comfort in.
They asked him about the magnifying glass. They felt that they had a right to know more about it, and in truth they did. In that moment it was starting to sound like this magnifying glass was going to be the key to the secrets of GOX.
'I don't see well,' Vance replied adding, 'my vision is really bad, sadly (at least he had enough shame to apologise about it). I need glasses really!'
'Should you really be driving then?' said Pete.
'Legally no,' Vance replied calmly.
THAT man was way to calm about mad things. A man who is calm in the matters of madness is the kind of man who is a madman that madness just loves to make mad...
'Then why don't you wear glasses then?' Greg returned.
'I am too proud,' said Vance with a hint of glee in his voice. 'I always was a little bit of a rebel. Even as I lad. My uncle Frank he used to kick me blue, but now I say to you lads as I used to say back then - "I talk how I like, I do what I want, and I dress like a king," because you see, I am a King literally! Vance King at both your services sirs thank you very much!'
"Dress like a king, hey?" thought Greg. "A king of what exactly? The king of trash I bet?" Sadly Greg was soon going to find out that his thoughts were actually not wandering too far from reality...
'I have a nice little palace just around the corner, lads. I will stop there and then I will whip out my second pair of eyes,' said Vance confidently. 'And then we will check out that damn house of yours!'
'You live in a palace?' said Pete innocently.
'Not quite, but it is a fine place - all refurbished with a swimming pool you get the picture I bet? Yeah it is a cool place! Plenty of ladies like to chill with me by the pool. You are going to love it lads I promise!' said Vance.
Vance made his home sound like it was some kind of a fine mansion.
After a quick bend in the road, 'And there it is! Home!' it turned out that Vance actually lived on the side of the road inside a rotten frequently used and abused outhouse.
None of the lads were surprised when they finally found this truth out...
And O yes, the pool? It was really a cesspit that the outhouse drained its contents into. And the ladies? They turned out actually to be ladybugs - swarms of the little red devils! The outside of Vance's foul little rotten home seemed to have attracted a whole nest of them for some reason.
But the ladybugs were only the real start of things. There were the ants too, LEGIONS of them! Vance told the lads that he loved the ants and that they were his special little army who marched to his command - even though they never did anything that he told them too. Greg and Pete actually witnessed Vance giving the ants orders while the ants did absolutely nothing except their own thing.
But worst of all were the wasps, loads of them everywhere it was disgusting. Those suckers especially those near Vance's home loved to sting.
Vance asked the lads what their thoughts were about his 'mansion.'
'So you actually live here do you? Or is this some kind of a joke?' Greg replied.
Vance was standing there coolly with his sweaty hands resting on his hips. 'NO joke lads. This is my fine little home in the middle of Iguana Country!' he said. The lads would never have believed him if it were not for the sincere note of pride lurking in the filthy man's voice.
'How do you actually live like this?' said Greg. Greg genuinely wanted to know the answer to this.
'Comfortably, lads. Very well indeed,' Vance replied. He almost sounded... smug? But why? 'I live like a king...' Vance went on. 'Ha! Do you see what I did there? King and I am a King, get it? Right? Why you lads not laughing at my joke? I might take a little offence to that. Look at all that open country around us... There is plenty of space out there for a couple of lads to go missing... Ha! Joke! The look on your two faces! I have never laughed so much in all my times! I used to be friends with a famous writer once, don't you know? We almost took over the whole damn country together that's right yep. For a day or two my writer friend and I ruled the whole Sovereign Isle of Fenwick! And then there was a rebellion and we had to make a run for it. That is why I am living like this, out in the wastes. I am kind of an outlaw. Well, no I am wrong there. I am definitely an outlaw! An outlaw wanted by all! I like to make songs about it.'
Greg and Pete did not know whether to believe the man or not. The lads made the unintelligent choice to NOT take anything the dirty man was saying seriously. And why not think that way? Life seemed to just look like a joke to our proud boy Vance.
Greg went for it and asked Vance how it was possible to live at all in Iguana Country let alone like a king.
And Vance happily offered him a reply and told him this:
'It is easier than you think! There is a van that goes up and down the road. It is full of fresh pizza. And bottles of full sugar soda. Whenever that van stops for a breather or a reliever to my little home over there I jump in the back of the van and I take my pick. I live on a fine diet of pizza and soda. That is how I live and I am proud of it!'
'But isn't that stealing?' said Greg.
'Sure it is son,' Vance replied without a single tremor of guilt in his voice. 'Now listen to me, lads. I was never a father, so let me be your old Dad for a bit. And as your Dad I am going to give you some sound advice - so listen up: There is nothing wrong with stealing. NO sir. No prob at all. So long as you stick to these rules: Little and often. Do you hear me? So it is like this! You steal a little bit here, a little bit there... Slice off a little bit of the pie, or in my case pizza. When you do it in that way no one notices. Imagine you are six years old again and it is your mates birthday and you are invited to the party and he has all of these presents lying around. So what do you do? You just take ONE for yourself. One present. You hear? Take one of those presents for yourself and your mate will never know about it... Like the look of the birthday cake his mother baked for him too? Then what you do is peal off a bit of the icing! NO one will know. And that is how you do it my two fine sons! You nibble at the system - a bit here and a bit there and you will do as fine as a little mouse in a little house. Why am I talking about mice? Well you two listen again to your old Dad! Mice steal, right? But they NEVER get caught. Want to know why? It is because they nibble, yeah, like I say little and often. Here lads! Let me show you something. Behold my secrets! My pride! My liveswork!'
Vance opened the outhouse door. Inside the little shack was a sight both believable and totally unbelievable. It was full to the brim with loo roll! Loads of the stuff! You couldn’t get into the place there was so much paper stuffed into it. Now the door had been opened some of the rolls were actually starting to roll out onto the mud, rolling out onto the road and even joining the ladybugs in the weeds of cesspit.
It was mad.
'Look at that lads!' said Vance proudly. 'Is that not a sight for sore eyes? I call that fine sight there paper gold! And it is all mine! I bet you are wondering how I did it - how did I get all of this stuff? Well it is like I say, little and often. There is this little Italian place up the road, that is where the pizza is heading, pizza Italian, right, get it? Don't get the joke? Anyway. I pop into this Italian place from time to time. I tell them I am on the road and I need to use their loo. I stink so bad they want me gone so they shove me in the loo and say, 'Get it done and get out!' And that is when I do my business. And by business I mean I steal loo roll.'
'And then you just calmly walk out with your gains I guess?' said Greg.
'No mate! I climb out of the window and make a run for it,' said Vance. 'And you know what? I have never been caught not once. It is beautiful! This is what you call making a living! Listen and learn lads and one day, who knows, you might grow up to be like me - your old Dad.'
'Don't the owners ever question their drop in stock of loo rolls?' said Greg.
'Maybe. I don't care because they will never find me not out here in the waste,' said Vance happily. 'The restaurant is Mafia run and that lot are too proud to enter the waste looking for a dirty old scumbag like me!'
That was when two black Sedans with dark tinted windows drove up. Five men in dark suits and shades stepped out and stepped up to Vance.
The whole scene was like something out of a movie and at the same time it was also like something out of your worst dreams.
These suited guys were pretty big and frightening looking as well. One of them stood out from the others. He was dressed the smartest, with a waistcoat and all the works. He appeared to be the leader of the group and he slowly started to step up to Vance. 'You are wanted,' he said finally when he was up close.
'Like to explain why I am wanted and by who?' Vance replied casually as if nothing really bad was happening.
'You have been stealing from my family's restaurant,' said the smartly dressed man. 'That makes you our enemy. Now will you come with me peaceful or do I need to call my men over to bundle you up?'
Vance returned with a grin. Then he looked at Greg and then he looked at Pete and at the top of his voice he shouted:
RUN FOR IT LADS!
A third Sedan turned up to cut Vance off from his escape. In no time at all Vance was tied up then gagged and thrown into the back of the vehicle.
'We have got absolutely nothing to do with this!' said Greg to the smartly dressed man. 'So we are just going to trot off home now thank you very much...'
The smartly dressed man stopped Greg with his hand. 'Not so fast,' he said to him. 'If you are associating with a man like Vance then you also must be an enemy of the family.'
ASSOCIATING?
HE JUST GAVE US A LIFT!
Greg and Pete did not know what to say, they were too busy trying to prevent themselves from collapsing with horror. But Greg did tell the smartly dressed man that he and Pete had no idea who Vance was and had never ever met him before in their entire lives.
'Let me tell you about Vance,' the smartly dressed man began. 'That man we have just put into the boot of my vehicle is Vance King. He is an outlaw. He is well known across the country. The Kings and my family used to be at war and right now we are close to a new one. Recently Vance caused my people a great personal grievance. He stole a packet of tissues from my pocket. Those tissues were a gift to me from my mothers late aunt's sisters brother. Vance has caused my family an outrage by doing this and I am going to pay him back - with blood. We have been hunting him for days. Then we find him out here in the middle of nowhere talking to the both of you. Now you say you don't know him? Then I say you are liars! And if you are liars then that can only mean you are connected to the Kings. And anybody connected to the Kings must hold valuable information to my family's cause. So because I am a man of honour I am going to tell you what I am going to do next. I am going to take the both of you back to my home. Once there we will make you... comfortable. Give you sometime to think. But if you continue to keep quiet about the Kings,' and he said this next bit with menace, 'then we will make you talk. Don't displease me. Displease me and will displease you with pleasure.' Then he turned to his henchmen and gave them these orders:
'Tie them. Gag them. And put them in the back.'
Before Greg and Pete even had chance to think of anything they were fiercely and rudely tied and gagged and dumped into the back of one of the Sedans.
As they drove along Greg consoled himself with this single thought: "Maybe I am still on drugs... This could just be another fever dream!"
But alas for Greg he was not on drugs.
He wasn't drunk either so he couldn't blame his current plight on the good old DT's.
No.
This thing was really happening. He really was in the full power of the Mafia...
To Read GOX part 6 click here.
For more adventures set in the town of Fenwick check out:
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My Games
Play Give 'em Hell!
Play Elfin Quest
Play Witches Brew
Play A King For A Day
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