Monday, 29 April 2024

An Alien with Social Anxiety

  What a Great time it was to be alive on the planet of Neptune in the Solar System.
  The time was at hand!
  After many  years of conflict all Sixteen Tribes of the Sixteen Moons had been united under a single banner.
  And the king who held that banner was the High Lord Ponder the Great.
  'It is time to put our plans into action,' said Lord Wetly, Commander of the Fifth Legion.  
  'We have plans?' spoke up Lord Ponder, who had been in a very deep mood all morning.
  'Why the plan to take over Earth of course, my lord,' the Commander returned.  'Everything is ready!  Our designs are complete.  Our forces assembled.  We shall take the war to the heart of the enemy!'
  'Please remind me, Commander Wetly, why are we doing this again?' said the king.
  'To steal Earth's resources, of course, my king,' the commander replied.  'Do you have a problem with that?  Sorry for my impertinence, my king, its just I don't understand how you cannot know about any of this.  I mean, we have been planning this war since your fathers time.'
  'Please, speak no more of this matter, I beg of you,' said the King.  'I have not the stomach for it, and my heart is weak.  Please, leave me now so that I might have time to regain my breath...'
  'But my king!  The people of Neptune and the Sixteen Moons are expecting you to lead an attack!  It must be done,' the commander persisted.  'We have no choice in the matter.  We are running out of precious materials back here on our home planet.  Darn it!  We are running out of food stocks for goodness sake!  We have to attack Earth if our people are to survive the next Sun Turn!'
  Hearing this was enough to make the king collapse on top of his knees.
  'Please don't put pressure on my feeble heart!  I...I can't handle it!' he replied.
  He started to have a panic attack.  
  It took three hours for the mighty king to recover and regain himself.
  When breath had finally been restored into the lungs of the flabbergasted king, Wetly continued to press the monarch with Neptunes vital war plans.
  'It has to be done my king,' he went on.  'The survival of all our people lies on your shoulders!'
  'I can't do it,' the king replied.  'Look at my hands!  They are shaking.  I cannot do this.  Please take pity on me.  I understand how you feel, Commander Wetly.  You are young, you are headstrong.  You are a man of destiny.  You want to prove yourself - you want to make the ancestors proud!  I get you and I get all that, but I still can't do it.  I am not the king you need.  I am not the king you want.  Maybe it is time I passed the crown down.  Might you be willing to bear such a burden, Commander Wetly?'
  'You are the true king and that is how it will always be,' Wetly returned passionately.  'You will keep the crown!  Perhaps we require a new strategy!  We need to ease your nerves my king!  Let me tell you something, and this is true:  Our enemies are weak!  We can destroy them!  And I can prove it to you with your own eyes!'
  The king was confused and asked Wetly to explain himself.
  How could his fellow comrade prove anything about Earth when they were all stuck on Neptune?
  And Wetly had his answer prepped and ready:
  'We will mingle with the enemy.  Let's go to Earth now and you will see for yourself.'
  'Wait!  Wont the people there recognise how weird we look?  I mean, we have six eyes for goodness sake.  Don't we run the risk of being arrested?'
  'Don't worry, my king.  I have prepared disguises for us!  The people on Earth will think that we are nothing less than common tramps!  That is, a member of the everyday rabble...'
  Marvellous stuff!
  So dressed up as common streets urchins the King of Neptune and his Commander Wetly landed on Earth and proceeded to mingle in.  
  Eventually they found themselves attending the confounds a local bar.
  Inside lots of people were getting very drunk and falling on their faces.
  The king did not know how to react!
  'They are so stupid,' he said.  He did not know whether to be sad or happy.  But like his friend Commander Wetly he did feel very embarrassed, for the humans at least.  'We don't need to conquer them!' the king continued.  'We can steal their resources and they wouldn't even know about it!'
  'I think I agree with you my king,' said Wetly.  'Maybe we don't need an army after all!'
  'But my there are so many people,' and the king started to feel very faint again.  'Wetly!' he cried.  'I am feeling panicky.  My legs have gone all wibbly wobbly!  I think another panic attack is coming on!'
  A nearby ruffian with coin to burn plumped a full brimmed glass of foaming alcohol into the kings feeble and shaking hand.  
  'Have a drink to calm your nerves mate!' said the ruffian, and then he added, encouragingly, 'Take it in the eye if it helps!  It works for me and the lads!'
  So the King of Neptune splashed his full glass of alcohol on top of all six of his eyes - and like that he was cured!
  'Why Wetly my dear friend!  I am feeling very calm all of a sudden!'
  The king had never felt so euphoric not in all his days!
  He splashed his eyes a second time, for good measure...
  'Even better!' he said.  'More!  More!  I want more!'
  So came the third splash...
  Then the fifth and so on!
  And soon he was dancing with the commoners, throwing his four legs into the air and doing the cha cha!
  'Never in all my days have I ever felt this way!' said the king after his tenth splash in the eyes.  'My six arms and twenty five fingers and fifteen toes have I never ever felt so good!  Wetly my boy!' he called the commander over.  'As king I make my new order of the day!  Delay the invasion forever!  And bring round the lads!  All Sixteen Tribes!  Let's have a laugh!'
  Wetly was with his king on the matter.
  The Commander had already wetted his eyes fifteen times that night and was too busy trying to think about how he was going to move one of his four legs again let alone leading a battle against a whole planet.
  It was time to end the war and wet the eyes of Neptune!

  Hooray!  Hooray!

LET'S WET THE EYES OF NEPTUNE!

And it was a merry night for the whole Solar System, until the morning came, and the hangovers kicked in, and the king died of a panic attack.



THE END

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)


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Monday, 22 April 2024

Jim's Subway 35: A Train to Somewhere...

Seeing as he was becoming rather handy with his fists of late Jim thought he would start the day by punching Rod in the face.  
  He did this as soon as he got back home.
  'Your the one to blame for all of this madness!  You are scum to me!  I should never have gone into partnership with you.  What was I thinking?  There is an old saying back in my town, never go into business with friends.  And never ever go into business with idiots - not unless you can control them.  And I thought I could control you, Rod.  I mean, look at you.  Dithering fool.  All you had to do was put us up, let me and Butch do our business, brew our drink, and stay out of things!  NO!  I won't let you speak, Rod.  You are listening to me now.  You have a lot to answer for.  You don't understand how much I have lost in the last few days.  I came to Fenwick with nothing.  Not a coin in my pocket, not a dream in my head.  Then i found the recipe, and I thought, "This is it!  My lucky break!  Finally."  Everyone gets a lucky break and this was mine.  But you had to mess it up!  What was it again?  O yes - "We need a loan!"  But Fenwick does not have a bank, like a normal city so we have to get involved with a cult!  That on you, Rod.  Do you have any idea what they tried to do to me?  They tried to jab me with a damn needle!  They wanted me to join the army and fight for them half away across the world.  How does that happen, Rod?  It happens in my life.  This is what happens tome, time and time again.  When things are finally going well for me something stupid happens.  Fine.  We needed a loan.  I agree But how am I supposed to spend it building my business when I am across the Atlantic fighting the Brazilians?  Answer me tat Rod.  How do I brew G-Juice when I have a gun in my hand, and another in my face?  Do you have any idea what you have put me through, what I had to go through trying to escape from those lunatics?  Two madmen took a chainsaw to me!  That's right.  I almost died.  I had to fight my way out.  Look at my knuckles they are bloody!  But now I think it is time to bloody them up some more.  With your blood, Rod, and... o wait!  Where did you get all those bruises from?  I haven't started to beat you up yet?'
  'The Tailors raided the house while you were away.  They didn't take anything but they attacked me, and left me for dead.  I am lucky to be alive right now Jim,' Rod replied.  'You see, you are not the only one who has paid the price.  You look in good shape for a man nearly jabbed and sent packing abroad.  Me.  I can barely walk right now.  I think they might have broken one of my legs...'
  'Damn!  I am sorry Rod.  I can't believe they did this to you,' said Jim.  'Don't worry!' he patted him gently on the shoulder.  'We will figure this out.  You have got a friend standing right here, Rod.  We are in the same mess and we are going to help each other out.  Do you understand?  Good.'  
  'It's no good.  Nothing can help us now.  This is a war,' Rod replied.  'I know the Tailors.  I know them from old.  Once they have marked you, they get you.  They reap what they sow.'  
  Rod showed his right wrist.  He had there the mark of the Tailors too.
  It was a horrible sight.
  'I am in their pocket,' Rod continued.  'I owe them my life.  They have been good tome in the past.  They have given me work.  They have helped me make money.  But now it is time for them to reap!  Alas!  I don't think I have much longer left to breathe in this world.  When they return, they will finish me.  I am content to die.  It is what it is.  But YOU, Jim.  You are young.  It's not your time, not yet.  I think the reason why you are still alive is because it was meant to be.  The Brazilians didn't kill you, Jim, because it is not yet your time.  I say again, my end is nigh, but I beseech you, Jim, run away.  Get out of Fenwick before it is too late.'
  Suddenly Butch was standing at the front of the room, and he had a firearm holstered on his hip...
  He looked calm, and yet ominous.
  'He's right.  We have to escape.  And I know a way,' he said.  'I have been looking around town and I have found a way of escape.  Are you with me?  We must act soon, before they return...'
  Jim told his friends that he needed time to think...
  He didn't tell them that he also needed a drink - he kept that to himself, until he found a bottle of whiskey he had hidden away upstairs.  And to the succulent ravages of the old demon he emptied his soul:
  'I am not going to die!' he said.  'I am going to live and I am going to be rich!'
  He said it again and again as the molten grain gushed down his throat:
  I am going to live!  I am going to be rich!
  Jim was standing in his bedroom alone listening to the buzz of the lights - the hum of the electrics it comforted him.  Like a man who loves the countryside loves to listen to the songs of the birds, Jim  a man who loved the city loved listening to the sound of electricity humming in the gloom.
  He made his decision then.
  He was going to go with Butch.
  In those moments he made a plan and it was this:
  Escape the tailors.  Wait for the war to go quiet.  And then return to reclaim his fortune!
  Simple and pure.
  It couldn't fail!
  He called Butch in:
  'I am ready to go with you.'
  Jim said goodbye to Rod, it was the last time he was going to see him.  The poor man had been marked, and the Tailors were going to reap him soon.
  Jim only had this one thing to say to Rod before he left:
  'Stay safe.'
  After that Jim followed Butch all the way to the train station.
  And a train finally pulled in  - and O it was a long thing...
  Until it final stopped.
  But it was the end carriage that caught Jim's attention, for it was ornately grooved and ostentatiously coloured.  It looked like something that should have been attached to a carnival, with bright reds and golds, like it was on fire!
  Jim saw the curtains twitch on the rear room - someone was watching him from there...
  There was a bad feeling about that train!
  That was when Jim noticed something very frightening...
  The track back out of Fenwick was still closed!!
  No!
  What was this?
  Was Jim being led into a trap?
  But Butch was loyal!
  Right?
  ...Surely this wasn't happening...
  Jim didn't know whether to play cool, like everything was fine and normal, or go crazy and make a run for it.  
  He wasn't going to fight Butch - there was no way Jim would be able to tackle such a huge man - Butch had enough fat on him to absorb any punch thrown in his direction.  And his skin was tough like leather - clock him one and you would actually do yourself an injury.
  So fighting was off the menu.
  But he could still run away...
  That was a viable option.
  But run where?  
  Jim was running out of hideouts.  
  He couldn't go back to Rod's place.  Rod would most certainly be dead by now and his home would be under the control of the Tailors.  
  There was nowhere for Jim to go!
  'All aboard,' said Butch.  'You better go first, Jim.  Don't worry.  I will be right behind you.'
  Butch had unholstered his firearm.
  'Are there bullets in that gun of yours, Butch?' said Jim.  
  'The gun is real,' Butch replied.  'I don't play at war.  It will keep us safe.'
  'Safe form who?'
  'The enemy,' Butch replied.
  'Surely that last thing we want is to draw attention,' said Jim.  'Anyway.  i though the plan was to leave Fenwick.  Once we are out of town the war will be over...'
  Butch started waving his firearm at Jim, motioning him to move into the carriage.  'We better get moving,' he said.
  'It looks like you are ordering me onto this train, Butch,' Jim continued.  'But this train isn't going anywhere is it, Butch?  Because the tunnel pout of town is still closed.  I have eyes, Butch.  I can see, funnily enough.  So perhaps you would like to tell me what this is?  Why are you armed?  Why are we getting onto this dead train?'
  Butch cocked the firearm and raised it to the back of Jim's head.  'It's over boss,' he said.  'I would have dropped you in the Sewer - that's where most goons go to die.  But they wanted to see you first.  Now move, before you make me pull the trigger.  Let's not make am mess of this, Jim.  The safety is off and a bullet will fly if you test me!'
  'You can't do this Butch!'
  'Yes I can!'
  'Why?'
  'Times change!'
  Jim couldn't except the other mans explanation.
  There had to be more to this than meets the eye.
  "I reckon they have bought him!" Jim thought.  "Greedy scumbag!  If I can only delay him from pulling that trigger...  Damn!  I'll have revenge!"
  Jim decided to fall back on his only remaining option, which was to start begging for his life - again.  
  Twice in one day!  
  Begging for mercy from the Brazilians and now his supposed best mate.  It didn't seem logical that one man could be dealt so much bad luck in such a short space of time!
  'Don't do this Butch,' Jim started.  'We need each other.  Together we are a team, and as a team we can survive.  I am going to guess that the enemy is paying you to do this.  They want you to change sides.  Well listen to me now!  They will betray you.  Put the gun down now and let us talk about this like adult men.'
  'I don't want to talk,' Butch replied.  'I just want you to get onto the train.'
  'I don't want to get on that train.'
  'Then I am going to have to shoot you.'
  'So that's it then, eh?  That's how things are going to end, you putting a bullet in the back of my head, executing me like some prisoner of war.  This is outrageous!  We are supposed to be friends Butch.  We are supposed to be looking out for one another!  It can't end like this!'
  'It can end like this, and it will,' said Butch.  'And I don't have friends.  I don't need friends.  I do what I have to.  I am a survivor.  It's the Fenwick way.  If you were a local, you would understand.'
  'But we are business partners.  We were going to sell G-Juice and make a fortune!  We have just signed a lucrative business contract...'
  Then Jim noticed the mark of the Tailors on Butch's right fist.
  'So you have seen it?' Butch replied.  'Yes.  That's right.  I am with the Tailors now, Jim.  And they want your business, literally.  And as a partner I am happy to hand them the deeds.  The keys to the kingdom, as it were.  There is no point trying to resist these guys, Jim.  The Tailors rule Fenwick!  That's right.  They are literal the kings and queens of this town.  You can't go against royalty.  It's impossible, even with all the money in the world.  No business deal can save you against their might.  Once you become their enemy, it is over.  Literally OVER!  Now get on board the train!'
  Jim heard this, and in his heart knew Butch to be right - there was no fighting a power like the Tailors.  The Tailors were the DNA of the town - if the might of the Brazilian army couldn't topple them then nobody could.  
  Jim was an outsider, and he was alone.
  Jim had lost everything at that point:
  His business.
  His friends.
  But he wasn't about to give up on his life.
  Jim could have, should have died weeks ago.  But he didn't.  he felt that there was a reason why fate chose to keep him alive.  
  So Jim continued to argue for his right to live.
  'Now listen to me Butch,' he pressed on.  'I understand your position.  The Tailors are very powerful and yes, very scary as well.  but it doesn't mean to say we should cower before them!  We can still make it big by ourselves.  The G-Juice deal with Mr King still stands.  Let's work together again.  We will make peace with the Tailors.  We will give them a sizeable cut of the business!  We can all benefit from this!'
  When Butch heard this he sneered, and then he threw back at Jim this nugget:
  'People who work with you end up dying, horribly!  Jo, remember him?  And Rod.  I don't want to end up like them, at the bottom of the Sewer.  No Way.  I want to live a long and good life.  And that is what the Tailors have promised me.  They have given me bread and money and a roof over my head.  They have given me a way out!  I don't have to be a gangster no more.  I never wanted this violent life.  I know I look like the kind of guy cut out for all that rough and tough business, but it's all just an act!  All I have ever wanted is a normal life, you know what I mean?  I want a family and I want kids.'
  Jim couldn't believe what he was listening to.
  What madness was this?
  Had Butch been cloned?
  Had he been abducted by aliens and replaced by a lily livered doppelgänger?
  'Have you gone soft in the head Butch?' Jim replied.  'Everyone knows you to be a vicious thug.   And you also live in Fenwick.  I have only been in this town for a few weeks but I can tell you this much and that is Fenwick is no right place to raise children.  Good lord man!  I imagine you must have a small brain to compensate for your large girth but try to think about it for a second at least.  There is a war going on in the streets!  What are going to do when the fighting starts again?  Are you going to train your kids to duck and dive from the roving Brazilian militia?  Are you going to sign them up with the Tailors?  Is that the plan?  By the age of twelve they will be injected and sent across the Atlantic to fight for the Americans somewhere lord knows where.   Is that what you want for you children, Butch?  Do you really want them to be turned into aggressive drugged up warriors fighting for another man's cause?  Because that is what will happen, I am telling you!  This town is dangerous!  It is full of shadows and secrets.  And you want to raise your children in a hell hole like this?  Don't do it Butch!  They will hate you when they finally grow up - and they will grow up, kids have a funny habit of doing that.  And when the time comes they will say of you, "My father was a bastard who raised me in a pit!"  Is that what you want Butch?  You want your children to hate you?  Don't add more wood to the spreading fires of this dark war.'
  It was a fine speech.
  But Butch just acted like he hadn't listened to a word of it.
  'This is the last time I am going to tell you to get into the train, Jim,' he replied.
  It was no use!
  Jim had been defeated...
  Jim cursed and started shaking his head.
  It was over.
  Jim was too tired to continue the fight.
  Excepting his dark fate Jim slowly he turned around and limped aboard the train...


(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here

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Saturday, 20 April 2024

Alien Invasion of Cheltenham

The martians decided it was time to make their move...
  They had been plotting and planning and prattling for long enough, and their leader, The High Lord of Mars, decided to make peace with his rivals and unite the tribes.  
  United as one the Martians finally had the numbers to take on Earth...
  'But where do we struck first, My Lord?' one of the Martians asked of their master.
  'We will hit the Earthlings where it hurts the most,' the High Lord replied.  'We will attack the town of Cheltenham!'
  It sounded like a fair plan.
  So the Martians set out with all their power and struck Earth right at its heart.
  Their attack was met with NO resistance.
  This initially confused the alien menace and they were forced to hold a council.
  'Why do the Earthlings not attack?  Maybe it is a trap?'
  Yes indeed!
  What if it was a trap...?
  'Instead of a direct assault we will strike with stealth,' said the High Lord.  'We will go down on Earth disguised a chickens.  No one will suspect a thing.  Then we will research our enemy and try to work out their sinister plan...  If they do indeed have a trap set we will expose it and destroy it!'
  So the Martians landed on Earth disguised as chickens.
  They soon discovered that it was Cheltenham race week, and all the humans in town were making bets on horses and losing as much money as possible!
  'Looks interesting,' said the High Lord.  'We should place a few bets as well.  It will help us to mingle in, and make us look less suspicious.'
  So the Martians transformed their currency, which was marbles, into cash, and started making bets on which horses they thought might win.
  They made as many bets as possible in order to look normal and natural and not confuse their enemy...
  But by the end of the day the Martians had lost their marbles, and had nothing left to play with!
  DISASTER!
  The High Lord sighed with sadness and weariness.  'We have lost all of our money betting on those damn horses!  Now we don't have any resources left to fund the invasion of Earth.  We can't even afford to get back on board our ship!  Damn!  What are we going to do?'
  'We are going to have to get ourselves jobs just like the Earthlings,' said a fellow Martian.  'It's the only way.  And if we can earn a bit of cash maybe we can gamble again and win our fortune back!'
  'Yes indeed.  A fine plan!' said the High Lord.  'And once we have gambled back our fortune we can rekindle the invasion of Earth!  Marvellous!  Let's get to it men!'
  So the Martians eventually found themselves gainful employment in the local McDonald's down the road.  They had to interview first, which was awkward, but the fast food restaurant was so understaffed they didn't care if they had people dressed like giant chickens working behind the counter so long as they worked.
  And so that is how it was.
  And the Martians worked, and they worked, and they saved their hard earned cash.
  Then the time came!
  And they returned to the betting office, and they gambled, and they gambled...
  And they lost everything!
  'Damn!' cursed the Martian High Lord.  'We are going to have to work a bit more in that McDonald's place, lads.  But don't worry!  I am sure we can do this!  And once we have earned back the funds, we will take over the Earth!  Remember the cause men!'
  And they chanted:
  For Mars!  For glory!  We will win the war!
  After that they plodded back to McDonald's and spent the rest of their days as a bunch of miserable wage slaves and gambling degenerates.
  They slowly became very glum.
  They had never felt that way before back on Mars...
  Experiencing depression for the first time the Martians eventually turned to alcohol and were often sighted by the locals of Wetherspoons...
  They had become the very enemy they sought to destroy... 

THE END



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Monday, 8 April 2024

Jim's Subway 34: the Price of Sanity

Imagine having an enemy so efficient that they could corner and capture you within twenty minutes at any given notice, at any moment and anytime.  
  You act against them in any possible way that they deem offensive, and it is done for you.
  I imagine most people would agree that an enemy of this kind would be very terrifying to deal with.
  Most people would not want to have an enemy like this.
  Jim certainly did not want such an enemy.  But too bad for him because he had it.
  O yes!  The poor man was shtuck right up to this neck at that moment in his life...
  Jim did not know how it happened but it did - the enemy must have been waiting for him.
  Twenty minutes walk from the Bankers House and almost home Jim was attacked by several large and ugly men.  
  They came at him from three different directions.
  It was a trap!
  Jim guessed that the thugs had been placed there purposefully before the meeting with the Banker had started, and had these orders placed in their heads:
  GET JIM!
  If Jim did not go along with the Bankers deal then these men were set up and ready to grab him!
  It was  a straightforward if somewhat ham-fisted plan, but to Jim at least it made sense.  
  "They can do what they like!" Jim thought as they dropped the bag over his head.  "I am not being press-ganged into the army!"
  If this was the end then let is be so.
  He was ready for it.
  His time on Earth had been relatively short, but it had not been too bad.  He had drank more the average amount of alcohol any other human could hope to consume in their time, known a fair few weird people, and had almost got the chance to make big money.
  That last thing upset him the most...
  He was almost there!  He had almost cracked the system.  Yes him, Jim the local nobody had almost been given the chance to live it up with the big boys - the fat cats.
  Well, it didn't matter now.
  It was time for him to buckle up and accept his fate.
  When the bag was off Jim found himself standing in a stone room, possibly a cellar, or a garage.  There were no windows and the only way out that Jim could see was a set of steps leading up through a trapdoor.  But that way was blocked by two men.
  Another two men were standing either side of him, and they were armed.
  One of them, a fierce looking man with a scar and a completely shaven head was pointing a gun directly at Jim.  Indeed, the end of the gun was sitting an inch or two away from Jim's face.
  For a while all three men stood there in the dark room, saying absolutely nothing.
  Eventually Jim broke, and said something:
  'I don't understand why you are doing this!  I can find a way to pay you back the money we borrowed from you.  All this, shooting me in cold blood, it just seems like overkill!  Let's discuss this like men.  Please.  I beg you.  We don't need to act like beasts.  We can sort this out!  Give me a chance!'
  Nobody responded.
  As hopeless as it was all looking Jim felt that he should press on giving chance a go, and continue pleading for his life.
  I mean look at it form his point of view:
  His captors had not pressed the trigger yet!
  Maybe they did not mean to kill him.
  Maybe they were just trying to frighten him...
  If this was so then there was still hope to be had...
  'I can pay you back with interest,' he said.  'It doesn't have to be this way.  I was so close to finalising a lucrative business deal.  The contracts had been sign.  The pay out was going to be huge!  And it is not a joke!  I have this drink, it's called G-Juice.  Everyone loves it.  But only I have the formula.  Only I can brew it.  It was the key to my business.  More people will want to buy my drink in the future.  Now listen to this!  Once I have been paid for this business, there will be other deals.  More companies will want to purchase my drink.  The money is going to flow.  it is going to be good!  I can share this wealth with you!  So you see, killing me right here and now like this would be a waste of your time.  Let me live and I will divide my future fortunes with you.  I am not trying to trick you, either.  I can show you the contract I just signed Mr King.  It has his signature and everything.  I am going to make serious money very soon.  Just give me another week.  Let me prove myself.  Follow me home now and i will show you the paperwork.  Let me prove now to you that I am indeed a man of my word.  I want to make money.  I am going to make money.  We al want money, and you want money too?'
    Jim's captors had been listening intently.  After Jim had finished his speech the bold man sneered and said, 'Actually we don't want money.'
  When Jim heard this he knew that he was in a very bad situation.
  He was not going to be able to bribe them.
  And they obviously did not care how much he begged for mercy.
  Maybe it really was over for him...
  'Alright damn it!  Put your guns down!  I will take your damn injection!  Let's just get this over with!  You are fools!  You don't know me!  No amount of hormones are ever going to make me into a super soldier!  You are wasting your time!  But if you have to do it then do it!'
  'I don't think you understand who we are exactly,' said the bold man.
  'Well you have not said anything so far so no I have no idea who you are,' Jim replied.  
  'We are the Enforcers, underground mercenaries who serve the will and the him of the Brazilian Cartel.'
  What?
  No!
  Jim couldn't believe it!  
  So he was not in the hands of the Bankers men - nay worse!
  He had somehow managed to fall foul of the enemy!
  'You work for the Tailors, no?  We can see their mark on your wrists!  You were running from them, yes?  We are ready to strike a deal with you.  Will you listen, or should I finally pull the trigger?'
  Jim said he would listen.
  'First let there be no delusions, you are going to die this day,' the bold man continued in his grave voice.  'But I am going to let you chose how you die: quick or slow.  Tell me now that which you prefer?'
  To have to make a decision like this made Jim feel dreadfully depressed, but he knew it had to be done.
  So he did it, and asked for option a. a quick death.
  'It's been a difficult day and I just want it over and done with,' Jim replied.
  'An honourable choice,' said the bold Brazilian.  'Now all you have to do is give us the location of the Tailors base of operations.'
  'They work for the Banker in the Bankers House,' said Jim.  'You can't miss it.  It is the largest house in Fenwick, right by the castle gate.  Looks like something out of one of those old horror movies, you know the kind?  The ones with Boris Karloff...  And that other chap...'
  'You mean Vincent Price?' said the armed and bold Brazilian.  'I am a huge fan of him.'
  'Well actually I was thinking about Peter Lorre but I agree with what you are saying anyway,' Jim replied.  'I liked those old movies.  My neighbour used to watch them every night and so I would grab something to eat and set up my grandfathers old telescope!'
  'What was the telescope?  Is it some kind of British fad?'
  'No!  I am cheap and I can't afford a tv license so I would just watch movies through my neighbours window.  Don't knock it!   You can't beat watching a nice bit of free television.  And to think I was days, possibly even hours away from signing a contract that was going to set me up for life as a millionaire  Sigh  And now you are going to put a bullet in my head.'
  'Ah yes!  You remind me!  It is time to shoot you, my good man,' said the Brazilian.  'A pity.  I was starting to like you, British man, but now it is time to end things.  Well, you just stand there for a minute or two while I go a fetch the chainsaw...'
  THE WHAT?
  'Hang on there a minute I asked for quick death,' Jim spoke up with great haste and horror in his tongue.
  Jim would admit that he was a weird man who had lived a very weird life, but he was normal enough just about to not want to die at the hands of a lunatic wielding a chainsaw.
  'And you will have a quick death, my fellow, a quick death by chainsaw,' the bold aggressor returned.  'Let us begin our journey!'  
  He then ordered his comrade to bring the chainsaw in.
  Jim asked why he could not just be shot instead, and his bold captive shrugged and said simply, 'Firearms are illegal in the United Kingdom so to avoid any trouble with customs while entering the country we packed fake guns.  Hey!  Don't knock it, as you British say.  Look at the situation now.  It has worked!  Admit it, you are scared to death right now!'
  They were holding fake guns?
  The bold Brazilian was a much larger man by comparison for sure, but Jim was not afraid to smack him round the face if it meant escaping a a terrible death by a chainsaw - which is what he did.
  Jim actually managed to knock his captive out clean with one blow of his clenched hand!
  NICE!
  The second man looked stunned by what was going on, and then turned to run away.  He vanished very quickly through the back door, not before discarding his fake firearm and exclaiming that he was not from Brazil and that he was actually an actor who needed the money to pay for his poor mothers medical bills and that he had a lot to drink that evening and didn't really know what was going on.
  So that was it!  The deed was done.  His enemies were beat!
  Jim looked at his bloody knuckles with total shock.
  He didn't know he had it in him...
  He had singlehandedly dealt with the Brazilian Cartel all by himself and with no help whatsoever.
  Marvellous!
  What an accomplishment...
  And if Jim had in him the juice to bring down a whole terrorist organisation then surely there could be few tasks out there that he could fail at finishing if he truly put his mind to it?
  But Jim couldn't be bothered to think too much about it at that moment.
  His life was still on and he just wanted to enjoy his freedom...

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

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Also take a look at:
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Bullfinch recorded on camera


I managed to record this wonderful bird with my camera just in time. Even though they are not rare I just find them so difficult to find... So I had to take advantage of the moment and film them when I could.
#birds #nature #bullfinch #birdlovers
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Also take a look at:
My Games
Play Give 'em Hell
Play Elfin Quest
Witches Brew a short text based adventure game!
Also take a look at:
My YouTube Channel
My Books