Jim's Subway 19: I was born old...

Back in the lab Ivan was in a furious mood and gave Jim a proper verbal beating:

  'Do you have any idea of what you have done?' he cried in earnest.

  Jim was still too delirious from G-Juice withdrawal that he found it utterly impossible to heave up any intelligible words in response.  

  'You almost ruined our operation!' Ivan continued.  'Do you remember anything from last night?  When you wondered out of the laboratory all piddled up in the brain?  You reckless idiot!  Is it your secret plan to wreck our operation here?  Is that what you plan to do?  No, you are not smart enough for that.  So I ask you again, do you remember anything about what you did last night?'

  Jim shook his. head.

  Ivan took a sharp inhalation of breath and shook his head.  'Well let me tell you a story of a drunken idiot.  He got very drunk on another man's drink, and then went out and caused a lot of trouble for a lot of people, some very important people as well.  He made a very great inconvenience of himself, to the point where his business partner had to flee in fear of an arrest by the local police department.  This drunk idiot had a name.  He is called Jim.  Yes that's right.  And here he is standing right before me.  What have you to say for yourself, hey, Jim?  You know you started a fire down by the castle gates?  No one has ever done anything so stupid like that before!  There are powers sleeping here within Fenwick that one should not disturb!  Then you roamed about the streets for hours with that brawler thug Kraft, and smashed the windows of Ted's shop.  The police could have cuffed you up for that, if Ted had reported you.  I managed to keep the man's silence by threatening to publicly reveal all his secrets...  It was because of me that you woke up safe in the subway, and not in a cold prison cell.  DC Peddler hates you and wants you locked up!  I had to pay him off.  Because of your mad actions my reputation here in Fenwick has been ruined.  I will not forgive you for what you have done to me, Jim.  You may very well have ruined my plans!'

  'I really don't remember anything,' Jim replied.  Rubbing his head with his shaking hands he tried to think and cast his mind back, but he couldn't.  His mind was just a big blur right then.  It was horrible.  Thinking just made him even more sick!   'I don't know what is wrong with me,' he replied.  'Anything could have happened.  We could have been attacked by ravaging dinosaurs...  I ... I really wouldn't be able to remember it.  Maybe if I had a drink it might cure me...'

  Ivan smacked him round the face.  'No drink for you!' he shouted.  'You are not drinking my G-Juice.  I cannot trust you with it!'  

  Jim told Ivan that he might die without another drink.

  Ivan replied:
  'Maybe you will, maybe you won't.  Maybe I don't care!  Listen to me now, Jim.  After your actions last night I might never trust you again.  If you ever wish to fill your belly with my brew, you must pass my test.  There is no other way.  I hope you understand, Jim?  If you do not pass the test then you will never hold a glass of G-Juice ever again.'

  'Alright.  You have me by the jugular.  I am listening.  Name your accursed test.'

  'In good time!  First I have a question to ask.  Who do you hate the most in the world?'

  Jim knew the answer tot hat question right away.  It took him about one second to reply.  'Jon Ward.  I hate Jon Ward.  He's my coworker.  I can't stand him.'

  'How would you feel if he was to disappear?'

  Jim shrugged.  'I would be very happy,' he said.  

  Ivan smiled and patted Jim on the shoulder.

  Jim would never forget the look Ivan had that afternoon.  He would never forget the look his face wore - the smile that appeared on his face was not one born of happiness - if you turned that smile upside down he would have been a very angry mean looking man indeed.  

  Ivan ordered Jim to leave the lab:

  'Go and freshen yourself up.  Then get some sleep.  I will call for you when I need you.  And remember to wear your rabbit mask when you are in the hotel.  I won't tell you again, fool!  Now get out ofhere!'

  Jim felt like stamping his feet and giving Ivan a solute in response, but he did not want to irritate the man further so instead Jim just shrugged his shoulders and slumped away like an old rat back into the damp streets of Fenwick.

  He ended up eventually inside the Short Tailed Fox sat in the corner of a smoky room fumbling around in his pocket sin the desperate hope his fingers might touch some paper - or pennies - or anything.

  He needed a drink.  He needed something strong.

  'I wonder if I can buy something in this place with fresh air alone,' he said to himself.

  Now that would be something worth celebrating if he could pull it off!

  With nothing to lose Jim decided to give it a try, and cheekily asked the bartender for a free drink.

  After being threatened with eviction Jim made ready to leave the bar when a friendly voice called him over.  it was Tipsy Neat, the towns local alcoholic, and he seemed in good temper and invited Jim to sit with him.

  Jim accepted the offer on the grounds that it seemed worth his time as Tipsy appeared very drunk and was throwing his money around, having had already bought drinks for two random customers as well as several for himself.

  The empty glass jars were a sign.

  Maybe, Jim, hoped, he might be in for a free drink after all.

  'What drink can I buy you?' said Tipsy.

  Jim said a whiskey would do nicely.

  The drink was delivered promptly and after requesting a straw Jim was finally able to relieve his quivering hands.

  Whiskey was never as good as the G-Juice, but it was without doubt the next best beverage of all!

  'You look somewhat trifled?' said Tipsy.  'Anything the matter?  Feel free to talk about it!  I am in a talkative mood, and I am more than ready for any kind fo banter!  Lay it on thick Mr Jim!'

  'O I am fine, really I am,' Jim replied.  'I am not trifled, as you say, though i would like to eat a trifle right now.  NO.  I am just hungover, and bored.  O so mighty bored!  Bored of life, bored of everything!'

  'Bored eh?'

  'Yes.  Indeed.  Don't worry.  I was born old.  It's just the way I have always been.'

  Jim had just finished his whiskey and he was feeling very sad about that fact.

  But good old Tipsy ordered his friend another glass.

  'You are a kind man,' said Jim.  'Thank you for sharing this moment with me.  Sometimes there is nothing else to do except to get yourself well and truly drunk.'

  'Don't worry it will be evening soon,' said Tipsy.

  'What's great about the evening?' said Jim.

  'O I just prefer it.'

  Jim said he agreed.  'Yes,' he said.  'You are right.  The evenings are better.  I prefer it when the sun is down and the world is asleep.  The daylight is not for me.'

  'I will drink to that,' said Tipsy.  'Here!  I will pull another glass!'

  'I should give this stuff up,' said Jim looking at his whiskey.  'I will do.  I will give it up!  Don't worry life, i will turn things around.  I will transform into a sober man.  But not today.  I will give it up another day, indeed I will, another day.  But not today.'

  Jim drank up till the glass was almost empty.

  There was still an inch of rye just sitting off the bottom of the glass.  

  Jim swirled the golden fluid around and dreamed of a full glass.

  'You are a good drink pal,' said Tipsy.  'You drink well!  You drink more than me!  And I was named after a drunk even before my parents knew I was going to grow into an alcoholic!  They had such plans for me.  Shame how I turned out.  But at least I am happy, hey?  That's more than I can say for my folks!' 

  'Very well then,' said Jim.  He preposed one final toast:  

  'Here's to the strangers of Fenwick!'

  They raised both their glasses and cheered!

  TO THE STRANGERS OF FENWICK!

  Jim was about to seek the bathroom when Tipsy pulled him back.  Jim said he couldn't manage another drink right at that moment but Tipsy told him it wasn't anything to do with that.

  'Here's a cure for boredom,' said Tipsy.  'Tie one leg behind your back.  You will never be bored again after doing that!  It works for me!'

  And he hopped around the bar, before collapsing in a drunken stupor.  After that he was escorted out by several burly men and left to sober out on the side of the street.

  Just then a policeman entered the bar.  Everyone looked at him with a kind of, 'O hey what's this all about?' kind of look.

  Jim froze in his chair.  For some reason he thought he was in trouble - had DC Peddler finally sent his hounds out after him?

  Was this the end for our boy Jim??

  'Everyone remain calm,' said the policeman.  'There has been a murder in town!'

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

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