The world of Chloride Magnificence was once a wonderful place full of trees a flowers - till Vendelf the wizard arrived through a magic doorway.
He worked night and day to transform the whole world into a wasteland - with no trees, no flowers, nothing at all.
So things in Chloride Magnificence got pretty boring after a while and Vendelf felt that it was time for him and his magic Staff of Mildew to find a new world to completely trash.
Because why no trash worlds?
I mean what else was there to do?
Knit jumpers?
Sing songs?
Sit down on a chair watching other people while vegetating.
Vendelf couldn't be bothered with that.
'Come now Staff of Mildew!' he said. 'We must find new worlds to conqueror!'
'Not today,' said the staff. 'I just can't be bothered with all that right now.'
'I command you to open a doorway to another world!' Vendelf screamed.
'I can't be bothered to do anything like that now,' the Staff replied. 'You don't know how hard it is opening magic doorways. I mean it is me that does all the work. You just stand around and shout. Pathetic really. And this world we just destroyed a few days ago - it was all my work. I mean, what did you do exactly? All those dragons and plagues and goblins you someone from the skies - it was me that did all that! You never did anything! Do you know how difficult it is summoning a plague, and dragons and all that stuff? You have got no idea!'
'You are a magical staff with infinite magic power now stop complaining!'
'No! I will not stop complaining! In fact I am on strike until you can come up with better working conditions!'
'What is this nonsense?'
'I have my rights,' said the obstinate staff.
'You are a piece wood!' Vendelf shouted. 'You have as much right as a dead tree! Now do as you are told or I will snap you in half!'
'Okay then sure! Snap me in half. See where that will get you! You will be stuck here in this wasteland forever, all by yourself with nothing to do.'
'How dare you do this to me! You traitor!'
'I just want a few weeks rest!'
'There is no rest for the wicked!' Vendelf cried. 'Now obey my commands or will set you on fire and slowly burn you alive.'
'I am dead, remember. A piece of dead wood.
'It will still bloody hurt!'
'You won't do it because you know that you are nothing without me!'
Vendelf was beyond frustrated with Mildew at this point it was all he could do to stop himself from ripping out his own facial hair.
'You ungrateful beast!' the wizard shouted. 'You have no idea what I had to go through to find you! I had to travel to the ends of the world - battle giant demons and other horrible things. It was awful. Remember it was me and me alone who rescued you from the decaying tomb of Raganor! If it wasn't for my valiant bravery and skill and determination you would still be lying next to the corpse of that thousand year old dead mummy. You would still be choking on all that dust with that bag of rag and bones! I set you free! Now you owe me your life!'
'I didn't ask you to rescue me,' said the staff. 'Also I was actually quite happy living in the tomb. It was peaceful. It was only when you came along things turned into a noisy mess - wanting to conquer worlds and mess up peoples lives! What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Bullied a lot, eh? Like i said your pathetic.'
'I refuse to go on with this conversation!'
'Good!' the staff replied. 'Now let me go to sleep!'
'You will regret betraying me like this,' said Vendelf. 'I fear that you underestimate my power!'
'Don't try and scare me,' said Mildew. 'You've got no power! The most frightening thing you can do is take your socks off.'
'I have taken all I can from you!' Vendelf replied. 'I am going to leave you on a termite mound!'
'You killed out all life in this world you idiot! There is nothing you can do except let me rest and then after a week or so we can carry on with your childish plans to take over worlds.'
Vendelf threw the rebellious staff down and kicked it. 'I will have vengeance on you for your disrespect!'
The staff had been hurt and had enough. 'Right that's it!' said Mildew. 'I am going to punish you for being so rude! I am going to banish you to one of the most miserable worlds in existence! you will hate it! Goodbye!'
A magic door opened up - Vendelf fell through - there was a few seconds where everything was squiggly lines - and then Vendelf landed on the world of Kramb.
All by himself.
No magic staff, no magic nothing!
He was now nothing more than an old guy with a beard and pretty bad attitude.
'Damn that wretched staff!' he cried. 'Now I have to figure out where I am...'
He seemed to be standing in a very pretty green country full of streams, rivers, lovely flowing hills and woods.
It was the sort of place he liked to destroy.
As he was stood there, scratching his head and shaking the leaves out of his beard, and a bizarre animal came strutting over the hills.
Eyeing the wizard he walked right over and bowed before him.
'I am Kramb,' said the creature. 'Welcome to the world of Kramb! How may I serve you?'
The Kramb were a wild beast of the ancient days, half centaur - with the body of a horse, and the head of a lamb, They carried might clubs shaven from whole tree logs into battle, and spoke the ancient language of the sheep people.
'So you are willing to serve me?' the wizard replied.
'It is my duty,' said the Kramb. 'As the last of my kind I have dedicated my life to helping all strangers I find on the road.'
Vendelf stroked his beard.
An evil plan was starting to form in his head.
Maybe things wouldn't be so bad in this new world after all...
He now had a new servant, a willing slave apparently - and willing slaves were always useful as far as Vendelf was concerned - maybe he could use this creature to help him conquer the world of Kram!
"It is going to be a glorious day for Vendelf!" said the voice in the wizards head. "Today we shall conquer a new world - nothing can stop me!"
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