Monday, 24 July 2023

Jim's Subway 24: About Last night...

What day was it?
  It didn't matter because Jim couldn't remember anything, in fact he had actually forgotten his name.
  He was sitting down in the corner of some street, somewhere in Fenwick, with an empty bottle of gin between his legs.  He had gotten there...Somehow?
  It gave him headache to try even thinking about anything, so he just resigned the past to the fates, and decided to focus on the present, and how he was going to haggle another drink out of his mater Tipsy...
  Maybe he could beat him in another game of cards...
  Now that was an idea!
  Splendid!  Straight to business then!
  As Jim waddled back to the pub a huge brute of a man stepped up from behind and looked like he was going to grab him!
  Of course Jim ran for his life.  As he ran this bruiser gave chase:
  'Get back here!' he cried.  'I want a word with you!'
  Jim's heart was in his mouth...
  But he was determined not to give up.  He ran and he ran.
  And then he tripped and he fell.
  Eventually he was cornered, and knowing he had been defeated Jim bowed and hid his head in his hands.  
  It was time for him to take his medicine...
  The massive brute man stopped, and then started panting, obviously exhausted.  When he got his breath back he started to speak again.
  'That was a great time we had last night!' he said.
  Jim asked the man what he was talking about.
  'What do you mean?' said Jim.  'What do you mean we had a good time?  Have you confused me with someone else possibly?'
  'No way!' the brute yelled.  'I would never be able to confuse you with anybody else, Jim Boy!  That's what you told me to call you, wasn't it?  Our boy Jim!'
  Jim wondered whether or not he was suffering from another bad dream - so he knocked his head against a nearby wall to see if it would wake him up.
  It did not, alas for him...
  'You are the best mate I have ever had,' the brute continued.  'I have never had such a laugh not with anyone else ever before!  Man!  Whoosh!  When you smashed that shop window and jumped through and stole all those chocolate bars!  My stomach hurt from all the laughing I did!'
  'Right slow down!' Jim replied.  He needed to take a breath and have time to think.  '...I can't remember much of what happened last night...  I know I had a drink... or two.  Maybe if you remind me of your name it might kick my memory back into action?'
  'My name is Beverly Price but most people call me Butch,' the brute replied.  'To be honest I prefer Butch.  My mum called me Beverly because she thought I was a girl at first, till I grew all big and huge like I am right now.  So just call me Butch, if you please!'
  Butch.  Yes.  Jim still couldn't remember who the man was.
  In fact, he couldn't remember anything after finding out that his best friend Jo was dead.
  How much had he actually drank?
  Jim dreaded to think about it!  
  He must have gotten so horrible wasted that he blacked out - and in that happy lost moment of his life met Butch and gotten up to all sorts of nonsense!
  It wouldn't of been the first time something like that had happened...
  'Okay Butch now listen,' said Jim.  'I have got a headache - it feels like the Yellowstone National Park has just erupted super nova inside my skull right now, so you are going to have to bear with me.  I really don't remember much about what happened last night.  Sorry about that old chap.'
  'You mean you can't remember anything?  No way!  That's awful!  I was so excited!  Especially after you started talking about how you stole a secret recipe for a drink so wonderful that the world would literally die for it!  You told me we were going to brew it, sell it, and male our fortune!'
  Jim had said all of that?
  He gulped.
  Jim had REALLY messed up o this time, and that was no mean feat for a man whose life has been nothing but a disaster piece from the day he was born!  Right from the moment when a sloppy nurse got him mixed up with another baby and Jim ended up spending the next fifteen years of his life with the wrong parents, until they found out the truth and he was kicked out onto the streets.
  Butch started clicking his knuckles menacingly:
  'Don't tell me you were lying about all that recipe stuff?  I was rather looking forward to making a fortune...'
  'O no, Butch!  I wasn't lying to you.  It's all quite true.  Forgive me Butch, it's just I don't feel that well, maybe if I had another drink it might, you now, perk me up a bit.  You know the old saying, hair of the dog, and all that?'
  Butch suggested they should both head down town and buy a pint.
  Jim explained that the didn't have any money, and demonstrated this by pulling out his pockets.  
  Butch said it didn't matter, that he had a few notes in his pocket, he had been paid the other day from work, and that he was more than happy to buy his new entrepreneurial friend a drink!
  Jim couldn't remember ever meeting, let alone talking to someone like Butch, ever.  in fact since his arrival in Fenwick he had never seen such a man ever before!  But when the mighty gorilla offered to buy Jim a drink, Jim smelt a potential mug, and thought it would be a good idea to keep the man around for a while...
  After all, having such a beast of man in his company would help deter potential enemies from interfering with his amazing plan to drink and rot the rest of his life away.
  Back at the Short Tailed Fox alehouse, which was Jim's home in those days, Jim drained a stout with a shot of whiskey, and sadly placing his empty glass down on the table he still found that he couldn't remember anything that had happened the night before, so he decided to go along with things.
  In other words he was going to lie and pretend that he and Butch were best friends!
  The truth was too dangerous a thing to stand by when one was living in the streets of Fenwick...
  'So what's it all about, Butch?' 
  'I want us to talk ab out this exciting new recipe of yours,' Butch replied.  'You said it is the best thing ever!  The best drink you ever tasted, that's what you said!  I can't wait to try it myself!  I can hardly sleep I am so excited by the thought of it!  It's so nice to be friends with someone who has a talent!'
  Butch was a man perhaps in his late twenties?  Yet he talked like a child.
  The man could squash him like a pancake with his left hand alone, Jim knew this, but Jim also felt that this was a man he could wrap around his finger if he was careful and utilised the right words.  
  So a plan started formulating in his brain...
  'Yes this is the recipe,' said Jim, pulling the crumpled note out of his pocket.  'Like I said it's the best drink ever!  Utterly marvellous stuff!  Amber nectar for real.  With a sip or two it sends you right up there with them clouds, yes!  It's that perfect!'
  Butch started clapping his hands together like a giddy child.  'We must make some!'
  'All in good time Butch,' Jim responded.  'We are going to need the right equipment first!'
  'I can help out there.  I don't mind robbing a shop or two if I have to.  I have done it before whenever I needed something I couldn't afford.  My gaff runs the dock and pays me beer money for unloading scrap off the boats, but I find myself running out of paper by the end of the month so I just beak into Ted's old shop if I fancy a chocolate bar, or ruff up a fella if I am shot of change.'
  'You have never been reported to the police for any of this?'
  'They wouldn't dare do that to me,' Butch responded.  'I threaten to kill them and burn their homes down.  They believe me as well!'
  'I can imagine that they do,' Jim returned.
  'It's great doing business in the alleys around the docks,' Butch continued.  'I like a fight, yah know.  If my pockets ever run empty I just go out and ruff a few lads up, there's always somebody about, some whipper snapper running his mouth.  I rearrange the formation of his teeth, give him a nice pretty old smile, and in exchange he'll hand me his paper.  There's often a bit of blood on the notes, but the barman here in the old Short Tailed Fox doesn't seem to mind that.  And if he does mention it I just stare at him and he backs off.'
  'You sound like a fine man,' Jim replied.  'So you don't mind stealing things?'
  'I am happy to do it,' the giant responded.
  'Marvellous!  Okay.  So this is the plan.  If we are going to brew this fine new drink of mine, this utterly heavenly beverage - the drink of the gods!  We are going to need the right apparatus.  I know where to get it from!  But first I need to get rid of the owner.  I see your look now, Butch, but beating him up isn't enough.  I need to get rid of him indefinitely!  I think I know how to do this.  Once he is gone, I need you to break into his room and lift all of his gear.  Can you do that, Butch?'
  Butch responded readily with a salute.
  What fine little soldier he was indeed, thought Jim.
  Jim smiled, and chuckled inside, and then he said, 'I want to shake your hand, Butch, but I am scared you will break all my fingers so I won't!  But I think the two of us are going to shake up sleepy old Fenwick Town quite nicely.  O yes!  We are going to take over the streets!  I can see it now!  Good times lie ahead for us and for this city!'
  'I am with you to the end in all things,' Butch replied eagerly.  'O wait!  I have just found another note in my pocket?  Fancy a second shot of whiskey, fella?'
  Jim told the man that he would appreciate another whiskey very much!

  "I think you and I are going to get on very well indeed, Butch...!"  (Jim circa XX33AD)

***

(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

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Friday, 21 July 2023

Haunted Hotel

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Tuesday, 11 July 2023

Jim's Subway 23: He's not our friend...

Jim carried out his plan to the full and to the end.
  After dumping the canister down by the subway he stood and waited for the next train out of Fenwick...
  And then he remembered that he had forgot about an old friend...
  He had to find Jo and warn him about Ivan's ridiculously insane and stupid plan to poison the whole city.
  Jim had no idea where Jo was, but the man was surprisingly easy to find in the end, lying down near the end of a back alley, looking rough, bedraggled, and half dead.  Jim lifted him up, but Jo was only barely able to speak!
  He was withdrawing from the G-Juice...
  He might not even have long left to live!
  When Jim held the dilapidated barely functioning carcass he felt a deep feeling of shame.
  He had forgot about his old friend.  He had left him to rot.  And Jim knew that it was his fault the man was in that horrible state.  If the man did die, and it really looked that Jo was going that way, then it was all on Jim.  Jim would have blood on his hands!  
  'Don't die Jo,' he said.  'We are going to get out of this place.'
  'But I like it here,' Jo replied weakly.
  'You can't possibly mean that?' Jim replied.
  'I've never had such a great time anywhere else than here,' Jo continued.  'All that drinking and messing around.  It's brilliant!  And you know what?  That Ivan character is a fine man!  I might even go as far as to say that I actually love him.  He introduced me to the beautiful G-Juice that has improved my life so much, and it he is just so caring and generous.  We were lucky to find him, Jim.  He has been the making of us!'  
  When Jim heard him say this he shook Jo and then slapped the man around the face.  'I will hit again even harder if you speak such nonsense anymore,' said Jim, threateningly.  'Damn it, Jo!  You are even more stupid than I am, and that is an accomplishment because I am a pretty stupid guy at this point in time.'
  Jo didn't understand what he was talking about.
  Jim explained:
  'Ivan is not our friend.  He doesn't like anybody.  In fact he he is right now planning to poison this entire city.  So you see, he is actually very dangerous, and we can't afford to be around him anymore.'
  Jo listened to Jim but he still wasn't having any of it.  
  'You don't know what you are talking about,' said Jo.  'Ivan is a fine man.  And you know what else?  When you left us the other night to go on your crazy drunken rampage across the whole city, Ivan took me in, and he looked after me.  When I started to get the shakes he supplied me with as much drink as I needed.  He was so kind to me.  I remember him saying to me: "I need you to keep going, just keep going a little longer."  He was so generous and thoughtful he even injected the G-Juice into my veins.  That's what kind of a gentle man he is.  I will never betray him!'
  'Damn it Jo!  your brain must be turning into a marshmallow,' Jim replied.  'He wasn't helping you.  He was giving you an overdose!  You need help, medical help.  I need to get you out of Fenwick and to a hospital right away!'
  'No!  Take me to Ivan!  He is a scientist!  He knows what he is doing - he will help me.'
  Jim just could not talk any sense into Jo.   The man had clearly lost his mind.
  Ivan had done something to him...
  'Alright Jo if you want to go then go,' said Jim.  'But I am not hanging around here.  I am leaving on the next train.  It's up to you what you do next but I advise you to take heed even of just a little of what I have to say.  You've been a good mate, Jo and we've had a laugh and had fun having a drink but you really need to get out of Fenwick.  You can't stay here.  This Ivan fella, he's not nice.  He is a complete nutter, and is absolutely not your friend.'
  Jim let Jo go.  
  Jo started to waddle away around the corner, but then he suddenly stopped, and turning about he came back, and then he slipped a note into Jim's pocket.  'I have been a better friend to you,' he said, and after that he finally left.
  
Thirty minutes later Jim was looking out of the window of a carriage, sat somewhat wonky on his seat in order to avoid agitating his poisoned and expanded right kidney.  Sigh!  That poor old organ did a fine job filtering the alcohol but only at the cost of an aching back!  O yes!  Sitting down could be a chore in itself when one was as bad a drunk as Jim!
  Jim could feel the shakes setting in again - his fingers were quivering away once more.  
  Jim was looking out of the window waiting to see Fenwick go goodbye into the distance.  He had a plan.  Drive as far away form the city as possible, get into hospital, get some treatment for his shakes, and then get madly drunk on whiskey until all memory of Fenwick was burned out of his brain.
  It seemed like a good plan to Jim.  He couldn't wait to put it into action.
  Come on train move!  MOVE!
  DAMN!  Why wasn't the train moving?
  Just then a passenger sat next to Jim.
  It was his old frenemy DC Peddler!
  O no!
  What did that twaddling oaf want now?
  Beside Mr Gustav, Peddler was indeed the last person Jim ever wanted to see again.
  'Are you leaving Fenwick too?' he asked the meddling detective.
  'No one is leaving Fenwick today,' he replied.  'I bet that makes you very unhappy, Jim.  More than unhappy, I imagine.  But we have had to shut the city down.  No vehicle is entering or leaving Fenwick today, or foreseeable future.  The train tunnel as been blockaded as well.  You see, we have a murderer on the loose in the city.  O yes.  There has been another death, Jim, and you are at the top of my list of suspects.'
  'Why?  I have been in a train all day.  And look at my hands?  They are shaking like crazy!  I couldn't kill not even myself in such a state as this!'
  'Guilty conscience eh Jim?' DC Peddler returned.
  'Where do you get all this hatred for me from, Peddler?'
  'This was a peaceful city under my watch.  Never a crime.  Then you arrive and then suddenly have two murder cases on my hands.  Interesting, he? Now you can see where I make the connection.'
  'Not really.'
  'Don't act the fool, Jim.  I don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to connect the dots.  Now I am going to need you to leave the train and follow me.  I am going to need you to take a look at the body.  Now unless you want me to arrest you on the spot I suggest you get up and move!'

Jim worst fears were soon to be confirmed - his nightmares had been snatched from the back of his mind and fully forged into reality before his eyes.
  For the dead man that lay sprawling in the street in front of them was indeed Jo!
  His old friend Jo!
  The man had finally succumbed.
  Jim presumed it was of an overdose...
  But DC Peddler told him that the man died of asphyxiation.  
  'Your poor companion was smothered to death,' said DC Peddler.  'Someone cornered him in at the end of the street over there, and by observing those tracks on the floor he was then dragged to the bottom of this alley here, where his assailant proceeded to chock the life out of the man, and presumably ran away leaving the body right here for a member of the public to discover in their horror.  I think the person who committed the deed went on the run and proceeded to make any attempt to leave the city.  I think he went straight to the train station to get a lift as far away form the crime scene as possible.  And then i find you, sitting in the train, Jim.  Like I said, I don't need to be a master detective with an IQ of 300 and a photographic memory to connect the dots.  My 50 IQ is enough to help me see you for what you are, Jim:  A filthy murderer and a dog.  And a coward to boot, as here I found you trying to run away.  Are you going to continue to deny your crimes?'
  'I didn't do this,' Jim replied.  'I am not capable of murder.  Again take note of my quivering hands.  Look how they are shaking right now.  You know what that means?  It means that I am a drunk, nothing more.'
  'Maybe you were drunk when you killed your friend?'
  'No!' Jim retorted.  'I won't let you pin this madness on me, Peddler.  You can do whatever you want, close the train station, put the city under a curfew, but you will not arrest me not without the weight of any solid evidence!  Prove to me that I killed this man right here and I will let you arrest me.  I will go willingly into my prisoncell.  But until then I will walk free and there is nothing you can do to stop me!'
  'You are a real piece of work you know that, Jim?' DC Peddler returned.  'You might have slipped through my fingers this time.  But there is always NEXT time.  You are going nowhere, Jim.  You are never going to leave this city.  And with time permitting I will find what I need and once I do I will reel you in.  O yes!  Just watch this space, you young whippersnapper.  You are a beast, that's what you are Jim, a beast that requires chaining.  But I am the man who is going to forge the chains that will eventually, in good time, bring you down.  There is a cell in my prison with your name on it, Jim.  It's getting cold every hour.  I think it's about time I warmed it up!'
  'Threaten me all you want Peddler, but on this day I am still a free man!  So I am leaving right now to go to the pub to have a drink,' Jim replied.  'You can continue to carry out your investigations but I did not kill this man!  And I will say it again I did not kill this man!  Now I will say good day and go away, you irritating little man!  I don't want to see you again for a long time!'

Back home at the Short Tailed Fox bar, Jim was propped up on a chair and in deep thought.  He didn't have any money with him but he was eventually able to win a drink out of Tipsy Neat by beating the old sot in a card game.  
  As Jim sat and drank he felt something crunching in his trouser pocket so he put his hand in to see what it was.  It was Jo's note.  Jim remembered about it, finally!
  So Jim took it out and started to read it.
  He read it fully and freely.
  At first Jim thought it was some kind of shopping list...
  Then he realised that it was a list of ingredients that he was looking at.
  And then it finally shook him!
  He was holding Ivan Gustav's secret formula for producing G-Juice!


  God bless you Jo wherever you are!





(Remember!  All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes are intentional - the author 😆)

Previous part here
===========================================================

Also take a look at:
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